Thanksgiving 2012

Today was a great day. Super low key. We were going to spend Thanksgiving w/the Golds, but Angela welcomed the day all rosy cheeked and 103 degrees hot. So we found ourselves pretty much stuck at home and nothing to eat (I had been in charge of the turkey, but put it in our host's oven to cook as my oven is teensy weensy. Yes, I just said that: teensy weensy oven w/7 kids.) Anyways. We let them know we weren't coming and they told us to at least come get food, as the gathering had prepped food enough for everyone, including our family. So Matt drove over, dropped off the desserts I had made (I did keep portions of the desserts for us) and picked up a bunch of food. When Matt unloaded the food, he worried that he hadn't gotten enough. To his amazement, there were plenty of left overs! :) Anyways, kids were disappointed and kept asking Ange, "do you feel better now?" That got old real quick though and I told them to lay off of her, she felt bad enough being the cause of our Thanksgiving derailment, don't make her feel worse! Addi even told me, after she had finished her plate, "Mamma, dis is da wurs Tanksgiving evah!" I asked her why and she said cuz we didn't go over to the Golds. I had to laugh, especially since she said this to me right after the kids read my notes I had written them. Whenever we have Thanksgiving by ourselves, I write gratitude notes to my kids and Matt reads them out loud for the family to hear. I had told each of them what I loved about them, what I was grateful for, and thanked them for basically, being wonderful kids. Addi chose to tell me that Thanksgiving was the worst ever after we read those letters. I just had to laugh. Later on tonight, however, Colby says, "You know, today was actually pretty good! I liked it!" He helped pick the desserts and even helped make them. He did laundry all day yesterday and some today and was also incharge of the fireplace burning bright. The rest of the kids of course had their own chores, but it just goes to show you that work makes kids happy. That's all there is to it. Lazy kids, or kids who aren't expected to do much around the house, I think are totally unsatisfied. Anyways, that was critically judgemental of me! Sorry. So, all in all, great day. I sincerely do have so much to be thankful for. My wonderful marriage, my 7 healthy kids, my one baby in heaven looking out for us, my own healthy body. I'm so blessed to have kids who do well at school, in sports, enjoy church ~ sorta, who have good friends. We're always laughing here in the house. My kids sure have senses of humor! (they get it from me of course. LOL) OK, it's almost 1AM, so I best turn in. And sleeping in late. No black Friday shopping for this girl! Ever! :)

Nov 4th 2012

Today's been a good day. It's been a good week. I'm going to start really attacking my physical goals. I need to get into better shape. I need to lose 20 lbs. I'm doing it not just for myself, but for my kids and family. Even extended family. I feel like I need to be a good example. But that's not the only reason; good example. I just love it. I love feeling healthy, strong, and NOT fat. It's so empowering. I miss that feeling. I felt that right before I got pregnant with Addi and Riley. I felt so good. So I'm going to start working on that now. Happy with photography. I feel like it's really heading in the direction I need it to go. I feel much more confident about it, more at ease. And I feel like I'm in a place with it that I can be more creative. Not the crazy creative that's so popular (I don't think popular and creative belong in the same sentence. Popular is not creative. It's copying.) But what I mean is being more creative to fit the needs of those I photograph. Everyone has different likes and different "goals" they want to accomplish w/a photo shoot. I'm just saying I feel like I'm in a spot now w/photography that I can better meet the needs of people I photograph. I'm just really happy where things are in that area right now. Anyways, that's pretty much it for now. Soccer will be totally over this Saturday. Bitter sweet. I just love it SOOOO much! But the busy schedule will be something nice to put to the side for a bit. OK, I'm tired. I'll chat later!

A good week

One of my biggest "so there!" arguments with Matt is with my job, I don't get to see results until my children are parents and I can see how they've turned out. 20 years or so. Well, I'd like to say 30 years, cuz I hope and pray my children marry later in life. Anyways, I accuse Matt of not understanding how "thankless" my job can be. He studies for a test, takes the test, and is supercharged when he gets his 'A'. (I never got A's on tests. Unless it was a fitness test. Otherwise, I rejoiced with a C. Especially if it was a high C.) Matt's been doing well in his PA program. High A's on every test. I'm happy for him of course (it's in my best interest!) and glad that he gets "immediate response" to his hard work. What are my immediate responses to my hard work? Oh, yeah! That's it! Ah-NOTHER load of dishes! Oh, and yes! Of course! The clean clothes I asked the kids to put away ... all over the floor! And what have we here? Poop in the toilet, not flushed, probably 2 hrs DOA. And w/o toilet paper, yippee. Means there's one nasty bum on the run. Anyways! I must admit. I love motherhood, but it's not for the wimpy. Maternal love. It's obviously God-given. SOOO, wanna hear what happened to me? When it rains, it pours. About a year ago Angela played this girl in a soccer game. This girl was her team's MVP for sure. Fast, aggressive, awesome. And missing her arm. It looked to have been amputated below the elbow. But that's what made this girl even more amazing. She didn't let that stop her awesomeness! It did however scare Angela. To the point that she didn't want to play soccer the next season in fear that she'd have to play this girl again. She didn't like the "feel" of her arm when it touched her. I didn't realize that the reason Angela didn't want to play soccer the following season was due to this girl. I just figured Ange wanted a break. So I gave it to her. When she asked to miss out on yet another season, I questioned her and that's when I found out that she was afraid of the players arm. So I told Angela, "play this season, and the Saturday you have to play this girl's team, you can miss the game." I didn't want to force Angela into this because I could tell it really troubled her. I also figured, and prayed, that as time went on, Angela would come to terms on her time table. As the time drew closer for Angela to play this certain team, I could sense, as only a mother senses in her child, her fear and apprehension. Angela reminded me over and over that she didn't want to play the game and I reminded her back, over and over, that she wasn't going to. I promised her I wouldn't pressure her or try and even ENCOURAGE her to play. Just simply, you won't play that game. We did talk about the little girl, how she was just a normal, sweet, pretty girl who liked soccer. That something happened to her, we don't know what, but she had to lose a part of her arm. Angela got it. She just didn't like the feel of it. I got it, too. And I felt it most important that Angela take this problem face to face, on her terms. The night before the game, Angela came up to me and said, "Mom, I don't want my fear to stop me from playing. So I want to play tomorrow." I. Couldn't. Belive it. She told me that she was still nervous, so, "Can we talk more about her and about my fears?" She asked me to send the kids to bed so we could have alone time and just talk in privacy. So I did. And so we did. She told me she was frustrated w/herself that the little "nob makes me scared." Then Angela said the most tender thing. She said, "She has pretty hair. I bet she wishes she had my arms like I wish I had her hair." I told her she's probably right. Long story short, Angela played. She played her heart out. I caught her stealing glimpses over at the little girl, but that was it. After the game, Angela told me she wanted to tell the girl she played a good game. I agreed, but at that same second, Angela chickened out. And I decided to once again, not force the issue. I know she'll get another chance and maybe then, she'll make the choice to congratulate her on her own. I was so proud of Angela that day. So so proud. I have my own fears. I can't read outloud. If asked, my chest seizes up, I can't breath, and my throat goes paralyzed. Most people call that an anxiety attack. I call it a serious issue. I can't handle heights. I get the sensation that I want to throw myself over. I hug walls or hide behind things so I don't have to deal with windows in tall buildings. Most people call that a phobia. I call it another serious issue. I'm too afraid to face my issues, but Angela faced hers. Head on. And totally on her own. The other thing that happened this week had to do w/Colby. His whole soccer team was invited to one of the players houses for a Halloween party. He was sooo excited. The night came for the party and Colby was literally pacing the house, asking what time it was, wondering if we should get going. Because I didn't know the player or his family well, we decided to take Colby as part of our weekly date, check the party out, and then leave Colby there so we could have our date, then pick Colby back up. Matt hadn't turned the car off before Colby had hopped out the car and was gone. Matt and I were greeted by the hostess and we introduced ourselves to the other guests. I asked where the boys were and she said, "They're out ding-dong-ditching." I honestly wasn't comfortable with this. Not so much the activity itself, but just because we were in an unfamiliar neighborhood, I didn't know anyone, it was pitch black, etc. So I went to find Colby to try and talk him out of it. No Colby. They had long gone. Matt and I just looked at each other, speechless, wondering what to do. So we decided to stick around, enjoy the party, and wait until the boys got back. We sat around a fire w/the other adults and really enjoyed ourselves. I love meeting people and the party was actually super fun and festive. As much as I was enjoying myself, however, I was worried about Colby. Anxious for the boys to get back. And out of the blue/black, Colby joined our fire. I turned to him and said, "Oh, you're back! Where are the other boys?" He said, "They were ringing doorbells and running off and making people mad, so I just left." I. Could. Not. Belive it. These boys were his buddies. Soccer buddies. And not that it really matters, but thse buddies just so happened to be the strongest players on his team. And he had the courage to up and leave an activity that they were doing that he didn't feel comfortable doing. All by himself. In the end, he came w/us on our date. And I just fell head over heels in love with my boy, all over again. Colby is infamous for being "a follower." And he is. In social settings, at school, at church, he is definitely NOT a leader. He follows. And he usually likes to follow the kid who's acting the fool, too! Colby likes to make people laugh, so when he sees the kid who, in his opinion, is funny, or cutting up, he likes to follow that kid. So to see that Colby up and left a group the way he did that evening, just boosted my everything as a mom. Tonight Matt took Jess out for her birthday date. As part of her date, she had her dad take her to the dollar store and she bought a present for every single person in the family. She knew the boys liked Cow Tails, so she bought that. She knew the girls like stuffed animals, so her sisters got stuffed animals. O loves dinosaurs, so she bought him a dinosaur toy. And McSmiley got a ball. Cuz guess what? He loves to kick balls around. And they were all bought with her birthday money from her grandparents. On a daily basis I'm getting after my kids for being ... kids. For trying my patience, ignoring my requests, being mean or snobby to each other, the list can go on for quite some time here! So when I had a week of 3 of my kids making choices like the ones they made. Gosh, I have to admit. It makes me so incredibly happy. At the same time, I can't pat myself on the back. Or even Matt's. These kids came to me with the greatest spirits. Heavenly Father sent me great kids. They're easy kids. Anyone could raise them and they'd turn out great. I know it. It sorta tempts me to put away my photography so I can more fully enjoy these spirits. They're obviously more valient than I am. And I bet I could learn a lot more from them than from my camera!!

Sept 30 2012

Wow! This week flew by! I'm committing myself to blogging every Sunday night after the kids are in bed. Can't believe it's already that time again! It's been a good week. Busy, but the weather's been so great, that I have been loving the chance to be outside for soccer practices. The games were great yesterday but I won't be talking soccer tonight. Church. That's what I want to talk about. Lately I've been able to go to Relief Society. Because of my callings for the past 5 years (Primary pianist and then Young Women) I had to miss Relief Society. And I was perfectly fine with it. I loved my callings. But the past month, I've been able to go to RS and it's causing a change in me. It's making me want to be a better person. I guess that's what they mean when they say that going to church helps to strengthen testimony. Such a Sunday School answer, such cliche, but I really am experiencing this and I'm glad. I've needed it. I need to be better. Raising children, it's a given. I need to be closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus and more intune to Their whispers and encouragements. I just need to be better and it's really been a neat experience to actually FEEL and better understand the purposes of RS. I'm not so much feeling motivated to serve "my neighbor" better or to run around helping people or paint park benches or what not, but rather, I'm feeling more motivated to chill out. To recognize more my priorities and to take it to a more "spiritual level" my responsibility as a mom and a wife. I see my children as such valient, courageous spirits, blessing my life with their choice to come to me, and I just need to do a better job at giving them every tool, every experience, every opportunity to be better themselves and more importantly, to have both a desire to be converted to the Gospel and also and understanding of how to be converted to the Gospel. And I seriously have a stomach ache, so I'm going to bed!

Yellow

Where ever I go and whatever I'm doing, it's a guanantee that I will be surrounded by my children. I don't know what it is! I could be seperating croutons with tweezers and my children would choose to be with me over a trip to Disney Land with Barney! The silver lining in my state of child claustrophobia is one, I always know where my children are and two, I get to hear what they talk about and believe me, conversation between children is more entertaining than anything Hollywood can come up with. Today my 4 year old and my 3 year old were singing a song frequently sung by my 11 year old. "Black and yellow, black and yellow". I don't even know if that's really a song. But it IS sung in my home. My 3 year old's version: "Black an yeh-youh, black an yeh-youh!" He was promptly interrupted by his older sister, "It's not YEH-youh, it's LEH-low!" He repeated slowly, "yeh-youh" only to be corrected with the slower, more pronounced, "LEHHH-low." She corrected with so much confidence, so much direction, and so much heart, that I continued washing my dishes, careful to not interrupt their time together. They could both learn, later on in life, the correct way to say 'yellow.' And I got to thinking. How many times have I found myself in a similar situation as my daughter? I want so badly for my 6 year old to love soccer. In my opinion, it's the perfect sport. I played in high school and college and the reason I did was because quite simply, it's the best sport out there. Yet when my 6 year old spends her day dancing, twirling, and singing, could I be wrong in my initial desires? I desire that my children feel stronger loyalties to eachother, so after family prayers, they are required to hug one another. You'd think they were in straight jackets when they "embrace." Am I teaching them how to be loyal to each other by saying "LEH-low?" Quite frankly, I do not know. But it is with heart, and my love for my children, that I guide them the way I do. And it's the only way I know how to guide. And just because I may be a little in how I guide them, doesn't mean I stop trying to guide them. YEH-yough, LEH-low, yellow. In the end, it all works out. As long as we keep on trying.

This week

Life's been good. The weather has been AMAZING! I love this "pre-fall" weather. It's absolutely PERFECT! Life has also been crazy. My days are filled with taking kids to school, working out, running errands before the kids get home, when they do, we have just a short window of time for the kids to eat, do homework, chores, then it's off to soccer practice. On Saturdays it's games all day and photo shoots in the evenings. To top it off, Matt has begun his P.A. program, so he's consumed with studying. I feel like the Lord is truely helping me though. Saturday I did a 5 mile run with Mildred in the morning. It was a good run. I totally look forward to that time when it's just me and Mildred. She's a kindred spirit of mine and that quiet alone time when we run, enjoy the beauty of the morning, and talk about EVERYTHING is so dear to me. Got home, made breakfast for the kids, then left for 2 games in Staunton. I took all the kids by myself so Matt could study and just camped out at the fields while the girls had their games. Afterwards, we rushed home, I made lunch, then packed the kids up again for another game that was in Nelson County. Got back, got dinner (thank you pizza place), had ice cream w/the kids, and sent them off to bed. Then Matt came home around 11PM. Then I did an ab work out and finished the day off by downing a very not tiny bowl of ice cream. Now, I say I feel like the Lord is helping me because I was able to get everything done. He's seriously, not trying to sound cliche, but he's seriously giving me strength I don't have. I think part of it is, He knows my heart. With Matt deciding to go back to school, I didn't want it to interrupt our lives. Meaning I didn't want the kids to take a backseat to Matt's schedule. Just because Matt won't be home much doesn't mean I sit back and tell the kids, "sorry, your dad's not here to help, so no fun for you." The kids love their sports and thank goodness, it's an extracurricular activity that I LOVE. I love watching them swim, I'm now loving just being at soccer fields watching them play. The Lord knows I desire so much to see my kids happy, to experience sports, team comradary (sp?) pushing themselves. I want them to experience winning, loosing, frustration, exhileration. Maybe that's why He's helping me? Plus being outside, watching their games/practices, helps with my mood, too. How can you not be happy when you're outside, enjoying the sky, the grass, trees, even cool butterflies that think your finger is a flower. Yeah, saw that on Saturday. You could see it's little antenna tongue tapping away at the tip of Ben's (friend of ours)finger in search of pollen. Kids played well. Angela is SUCH A GREAT PLAYER! The girl, ever since she was 4, has had a grasp on the sport. She knows how to THINK as she plays. She doesn't react. She's patient, she turns the ball, her anticipation is perfect. Plus she's FAST. Honestly, that's how I played soccer. I seemed to have a sense of where the ball was going to go, or better yet, what the player coming at me was going to do, and could anticipate every move. I was also super fast and never seemed to tire. Angela seems to have taken what I used to be and taking it to higher levels. Because I was doing all this when I was 16. She's only 8. I'm excited to see what she does when she gets older. The won the game 3-2. She scored 1 goal. She's mentioned wanting to play tennis in college however. As much as I want to see her stick with soccer, I'd totally support her in tennis. Really, any sport. She'd do great at anything she wants. Jess had her first game. She has no idea what she's doing, but she's aggressive. That girl goes after the ball w/o fear. Actually,she does everything w/o fear. Once she figures out the idea behind soccer, she'll be just fine. I can't wait to watch her season as it continues. I'm helping coach (not doing much cuz the real coach does fine all by himself) but I do enjoy being with her, literally, at her practices. I love soccer!! Dallin had his first game, too. That kid, though not the most athletic on the team at all, has no sense of defeat. Even though they lost 1-5, Dallin played his hardest to the very end. And when the same kid beats him to the ball 5 times, the 6th time he'll still run his heart out to beat him. And whats even better, is that 6th time, if he gets beat, he doesn't hang his head. Or that 6th time, if he DOES get to the ball first, he doesn't get all puffy and prideful. I don't know what goes through Dallin's head. I think he has the make up of someone who'll frustrate his competitors because he won't stop. And it's not like he's being motivated to be the guy next to him, he's being motivated to beat himself. I love that about Dallin! Colby didn't have a game. His game was scheduled for today and we're a non-sport playing family when it comes to Sunday sports. I'll be sticking by that rule because guess what? It's just one less game to have to worry about and this season, all the Sunday games are FAR AWAY! ;) Thank you Heavenly Father! Had a GREAT lesson today in Relief Society. The teacher, Melissa. A-MAZING. I just liked her questions and how she directed the lesson. It was about, or at least what I came away from the lesson thinking, our lives and the different aspects of it and w/in each aspect, were we on the Lords side, or on the devils side. Meaning, for example, when it comes to ... journaling. Do I journal as the Lord would have me, or as satan would have me? Lately, I'd have to say, as satan would have me. ie I don't journal. What do I have for my kids? Nothing lately. So because of her lesson, I was spurred to action and I'm recommiting myself to journaling every Sunday night. Today the kids were all in the family room, pouring over our family albums. The albums are SO IMPORTANT and incredibly INTERESTING to them. Imagine my journals/blogs? So I need to write more. How do I mentally spend my day? Pondering and meditating as the Lord would have me do, or brooding and sulking as satan would have me to? I have to admit, I do a LOT of brooding. The other thing Melissa said, which I LOVED, was being reminded that we don't have to change EVERYTHING we're doing wrong. It'd be too overwhelming actually. But to just take it one at a time, or even to strengthen something we're already good at. The Lord doesn't want us to fail, He doesn't want us to get discouraged, and if I sat down and tried to revamp EVERYTHING I'm doing wrong, I'd just curl up into the fetal position and suck on donuts all day long. Soo, that said, I'm going to get back to journaling. I really need to. Seeing my kids pouring over our family albums today just touched me. They LOVED looking at them. Imagine how much they'll love reading my thoughts, our days as a young family, the fun chaos that being a member of this family entails. They'd love it. I'm a good writer. I can strengthen this. And I am going to work at my brooding. I need to quit thinking of how people have wronged me and stop wasting precious thoughts and time. Instead I can ponder and meditate. I need to ponder some quilts I need to sew anyways! ;) As a family, we're going to work on how we treat each other. The kids LOVE to toss each other under buses any chance they GET! So the new plan is, instead of assigning each kid a room to clean, I'm assigning 2 kids per room. They have to work together. And when they finish, they come get me to see if the room passes inspection. If I say, "good job, you're done" then they high 5 each other. The other thing we're going to start doing is, after each family prayer, they need to hug each other. They do great at hugging Matt and me, and of course the baby, but not each other. That's all gonna change. We did both today. And it went really well. Super small change, but I'm confident it'll help the family to show outward love and concern for each other. Oh, onto a lighter subject. So I weigh 139.8. Ouch. I've decided to motivate myself a little more. For every 5 pounds I lose, I'm gonna reward myself with a charm for my bracelet. I need to get a charm for every kid. Total 35 pounds. OK, I don't need to lose THAT much weight, but I do need to get down to 120. And the day I hit 118, I'm gonna complete my charm-kid collection. OK, it's 11PM. I need to gets me some shut-eye! Until next week!

Soccer fun ... school has begun

So much to write about! Kids have completed over a week now of school. 6th, 5th, 3rd, 1st, and preK. And of course Matt, PA program. And to top it all, we're doing fall soccer. 5 kids. 5 different teams. Crazy. But it's all good. Once the kids are at school in the AM, I go to the gym, run errands, etc. and when they get home, it's snack, homework, chores, then soccer. Car pooling has become a reality for me. But it's really the only way I can be at 5 places at once. As much as I love sports and it's important to me to see my kids involved, it REALLY helps that they enjoy sports. Jess is really impressing me this season w/her soccer skills. She's a little pistol out there! Anyways, it's been a great start to the 2012 school year. Colby LOVES middle school (so far.) People ask why I don't homeschool. Guess if you have lots of kids, you're automatically clumped with the super involved homeschool moms? 1st of all, I'm not cut out of that fabric. I don't have the patience and I'm just super not interested in it. 2nd of all, my kids are social. They love friends, they love people, they'd be miserable if I kept them home. Dallin's doing great, too. He's said on several occasions, "My whole class is friends with everyone." I like hearing that. Angela ... she's pretty consistant w/her love for school. She loves teachers. I'm 100% positive she'll be a teacher when she chooses her profession. Jess loves it. She misses her best friend Rosie from last year, she's glad a bully girl from last year isn't in her class, and she's loving her teacher. Addi just can't wait for preschool to start. It's crazy how much she loves it with how shy she is AT HOME. I've decided to volunteer on a regular basis at the schools. I want to be a part of the kids at school, and more importantly, be AWARE of what's going on. Soccer is going well. Can I just vent though? Because of Matt's schedule, I have to do some things with all the kids. And I don't mind, especially taking them to the soccer fields where they can play and run around while their sibling/s is/are playing. Of course this elicits comments. Of course it's the, "They ALL yours??" And most common as of late, "How do you handle 7? I can't hanle 2!" I'm not going to answer rudly or defensively. I just wonder, really, why anyone would CHOOSE ON PURPOSE to have only 1 or 2 children. I really don't. I understand that some simply KNOW THEIR LIMIT and are responsible and mature enough to stop when they know they need to. That I get. But to just have 1 or 2 because it's convenient or more "acceptable" or "expected" or what have you, I just don't get. I have 7 because I want a big family (not to mention God gave me the blessing of 7). I love what Dirk said in church today. He was talking about his MIL and how she, being 88 or 89, is now depending on her daughters for emotional support. I loved that. I love family. I love how the circle of life brings the mom back to her children. I love it. And the best thing a child can have is siblings. No one understands me like my siblings do. Not even my husband. So why wouldn't I WANT to give my children a support group, a unit, a team, that nothing can compare to? I grew up with 1 sister and 2 brothers and quite simply, that wasn't enough for me then and it's definitely not enough now. I wish I had more sisters to call, to vent to, to analyze life with. And that's why I want to give my children siblings. And a lot of them. Anyways, not the point of this post. The kids really are doing well. Dallin did hurt his foot in soccer last week, so we'll watch it this week. Hopefully he finishes off the season! He mentioned to me having no desire to play football because he wants to concentrate on soccer. I'm down with that!! ;) OK, it's past midnight. I'm beat! I'll chat more later!