How I love to mow!

OK, this isn't all about me and mowing. But can I just say, I love to mow! It's so peaceful, just the hum of the mower, and taking down the scraggly grass in one effortless swipe. Plus, no one can TECHNICALLY bother me. No, it doesn't totally dissuade the kids from coming to me and needing me, but it does at least temporarily prevent them. I love my kids, and I enjoy my alone time.

Yes, I think it's important to teach kids to mow and what not, but when I mow, the kids are taking care of Sadie and doing other such "productive" things. There's no sin in having a mom with older kids mow the yard.

Sooo, the other day I noticed the skies and the skies were bringing in quite the storm. But my yard needed to be mowed. The big kids were all at school and Sadie did NOT have on her agenda, "Be put down." So I jimmy rigged a sitter. I put her outside in the back on the patio in her little bouncer where I could mow at a safe distance from her. Doing so would allow me to both watch her and she'd be entertained by the hum of the mower. However I had to run into the garage to grab the mower. I took the mower out, started it, and began to "mow" my way to the back. As soon as I started to walk to the back, the skies simply opened up and dumped rain. I quickly turned off the mower, ran it back to the garage, then sprinted through the house to get Sadie. Who was outside. In her seat. Totally. Exposed. To the RAIN!

If I could I would have taken a photo of what I saw. Owen was outside with Sadie, totally bent over her, trying to shield her from the rain. It was impossible to effectively do it, so the rain was getting her pretty well, so she was screaming and there's Owen, bent over her, saying as calm as ever, "Mommy's comin Sadie! Mommy's comin!" Then w/o looking up, I don't think he even saw me, Owen yells, "Mom, Sadie doesn't like DIS!"

I treasure Owen's love for his baby sister. Ever since I was about 7 mos pregnant, Owen was so preoccupied with her. He's forever hugging her, begging to snuggle with her, running over to her just to look at her, then running off. It's priceless!

13 years a mom

If you're going to read my blog, please know that 100% of what I write will be centered around me being a mom, because, thankfully, it's what I am.

Last night I was laying down with Sadie nursing, Riley sleeping on my hip and Owen sleeping on my legs. It really makes me wish boobs would run DOWN the torso like a sow rather than across, like a ... human. And I loved loved loved it! I love being needed and being the main thing that comforts my children. I love it.

I've been doing this now for 13 + years. Thought I'd make a list of some of the things I've learned and would like to pass along to my kids, especially my daughters as they will, if it be God's will, be mothers.

~ Sleep with your babies (fancy terminology "co-sleep") All mammals do it. It's great and I don't regret it AT ALL! Sure I have over extended rotator cuffs now, but worth it.

~ Nurse your babies as long as THEY want and as long as YOU can handle. Please please PLEASE ignore the "experts" and friends and family who may try and tell you about nursing your babies. It's such a PERSONAL thing. Just don't do anything, when it comes to nursing, to "fit in." I do not regret in the least not fitting in with the norm.

~ Don't stress out about getting on a schedule. People would ask when my babies napped and I'd say, "When they got tired." I didn't revolve my life around a "nap schedule" or feeding schedule because it was too hard. I just let my babies dictate the schedule and it worked out just fine.

~ Don't be afraid of cereal for supper

~ Involve kids in sports. For reals. Not just any extra curricular activity, but sports. It's good for the heart, keeps kids in shape, and just leads to lots of great things

~ Don't go to every single freaking church meeting or function or conference or activity or whatever

~ Apologize for when you screw up. And who cares if you think you're "always apologizing." Better to apologize than to be prideful

~ Laugh. A lot.

~ Let them talk to you. My kids are ALWAYS talking to me. I hear, "Mom" about 80 million times a day. Yes, I have actually said, "Do. Not. Talk. TO ME!" but the kids still know they can talk to me about everything. I need to keep this up for when they are teenagers and their conversations actually get interesting.

~ Be honest. My kids will ask, "How'd I play in my game today?" and I'll tell them the honest truth. If they didn't play to their potential, I'd tell them. I'd tell them how to improve. Or if they did play great, I'd tell them they played great. I think it helps them know that when I compliment them, it's for real and when I don't, they know it's for real and I'm not just picking on them or being hard on them.

~ Have hobbies outside of motherhood, but don't let them consume you. Trust me on both.

~ For real, have hobbies.

~ Work out. And I'm not kidding. It's either work out or pop those happy pills. I've had 8 kids, 9 pregnancies, all under 13 years, and my hormones have been pretty good to me. I owe it all to working out. It's good for the inner thighs, love handles, and psyche.

~ Have girlfriends who you chat with, vent with. You don't need but a couple, but it's very therapeutic

~ Let your kids dress how they want, as long as it's not hoochie. Along with that, choose your battles wisely. I want to win the war in the long run, so little battles don't need to be fought or won. Let the kids win most of those. My kids have gone to church dressed as spider man or the Lone Ranger. They've gone to school looking like models for flood water sweatpants. And it's all good. People may think, "Holy crap, what's their mom thinking?" And I say to that, "Wanna cookie?"

~ Don't let your kids have texting. Plain and simple.

~ When your kids clean something you told them to clean; room, car, bathroom, always check their work. ESPECIALLY when they come all excited and jumping up and down, "look how clean it is!" It's so validating for them.

~ Sleep as often as you can

~ Don't beat yourself if you let a curse word or two "slip" out. Gosh, what is it about cuss words that make me feel so good? Guess I'm just sorta evil.

~ Kiss in front of the kids. They say it's gross, but they walk away super secure.

~ Argue in front of the kids. I think it's stupid to not let your kids see you disagree. I'm not saying yell and spit and stab eyeballs out, but it's OK for them to see you mad at each other and along with that, working things out. Kids have to know that conflict is OK, even healthy, because they see communication and that even though you may fight, you can still love each other.

~ My kids will never have their own rooms. Ever. Never. Funny thing is, I can read my kids and they'd hate it. Even though they say they want it.

~ Let them see you cry.

~ Don't make an issue of weight. I do find myself making fun of my fat and even saying things like, "We have matching inner thighs!" I do make fun of my fat body to them, but I ALWAYS remind then that really, I love my body. It's been healthy for me and has given me them! What's not to LOVE?!

OK, I can go on and on and on. And no way am I a professional at this, but it's stuff I've learned and keep learning and I just want to pass things on to my kids. My kids are my life. They're my everything. I remember being interviewed on TV at the mall when I was around 6 or 7 and watching the interview on TV later on and the guy asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. In my mind I was saying, "vet" but what came out was, "a mom." The reporter wasn't at all impressed and I wondered why I said that when I KNEW I was an animal whisperer. I never liked other peoples babies growing up, couldn't relate to little kids. Just liked boys and sports. But having my children has changed me. When I had my first, second, third, fourth, it dawned on me how blessed they made me, how happy they made me. How can I put a cap on my blessings? I know I'll know when this season of my life is over, but I tell you, I'm loving this season and I hope it goes on for a few more years! :)

Coming to a crossroad

I love reading my journal when I'm stressed about a situation or am at a "crossroad" and about how I "didn't know what was going to happen" and KNOWING what ended up happening and KNOWING I didn't need to stress out about it. Coming to a huge crossroad, (which I'm starting to stress about)but I know I don't need to stress out about it because it WILL work out fine in the end. Just wondering where life is going to take us.

So here it is: When Matt's all done, where are we going to be? My preference is to stay here. Awesome friends, perfect house, love the school system and teachers, amazing ward. The kids are happy here, great sports programs. I love the community ~ not too big, not too small. Super family oriented here. Just love it here. So with the possibility of moving to WA, I'm a bit apprehensive. I welcome change, I thrive on it, but ... I have to admit, it's awesome here. We'd go where the money is and if it's in WA, that's where we'd go. And it just so happens to be back in Walla Walla, Matt's old stomping grounds. And if we moved back there, what would we do with the 2 homes we own here? Rent them? Sell them? After 3 years in WA, would we come back? Would we move somewhere else? Would we stay there?

So many unknowns.

The other night I was reading my journal (yes, I still write in it) and read entries where I was so stressed about things and as I read I was like, "gosh, I didn't need to worry so much because it turned out even better than I even imagined!" So I have faith and trust that things will work out. They will.

I keep having these overwhelming feelings, super random, it totally overcomes me when I least expect it, but that feeling of "I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'VE ALWAYS EXISTED." Do you ever have that? The other day I was driving and all of a sudden I thought, "I can't believe how lucky and blessed I am to be ME." Nothing cocky, I've got large thighs, but more like, "I can't believe I even exist. That somehow this world exists, that somehow I exist, that I am me. And my stress about where we're going to end up just vanishes. Eternity is a big thing and this is ... nothing.

Anyways, just things that are happening in my head these past few days.

Life is good. Keeping things easy. Soccer is our life right now. I absolutely love how well the kids are doing. Colby's rocking the defensive line. I wish his coach would play him up but Colby won't tell him because he LIKES where he's at. I'm not going to tell his coach because I don't want to be doing things for him. He's a teenager. His coach has no idea how well he does in goal, but Colby won't tell him to put him there, either. That kid's so talented in the sports area. Dallin has totally impressed me. He was the bench warmer last season. He still is, but not so much bench warmer anymore. He's more like 2nd string. The difference between the two was last season he played about 6 mins per game (gut wrenching, I know) and this season, he's averaged 25. I gave him 2 options: Stay on the red team and "peck your way up" to play more, or be put on the white team where you'd be one of the strongest players. He opted to "peck his way up" to better push himself and improve. And he's doing it. I love that he can push himself and doesn't let any set backs frustrate him. Set backs seem to motivate him.

The girls are awesome. Angela, I don't know where that girl came from. Her speed! She has such a strong and confident shot, she gets passing, she gets opening up for a pass. She dribbles with the best of them but passes like the best-est of them. And she still has that awesome smile on her face because she's just having so much fun out there. Like a fish in water when that girl's on the soccer fields. Jess had to play up with her sister this season. She's in 2nd playing on a team of 3rd and 4th graders. She's about a foot shorter than the average, but with Jess, she was born with this "I can do anything" complex. At times it gets her into trouble. Overly confident. And I wouldn't even say it that way. It just doesn't enter her head that she CAN'T do something. She's dribbling and passing well, but her strong point is being in the right place at the right time. Coach has told her, "You are ALWAYS in position!" and because of it, she scored her first goal in her first game. She's botched about a dozen goals since then, she needs to get more aggressive and strengthen her kick, but we'll get there.

Owen and Addi are still playing together. Those 2 have come a long way. Her first season Addi reminded me of a literal butterfly, dancing around the soccer ball, just happy to be with her team mates. Now she dribble, turn the ball, pass, shoot, "run away from the ball" when her team mate has it so she can get the pass. She's showing me to be the most aggressive of her sisters, which shocks me cuz she's so shy in "real life." Owen, that kid cracks me up. Just last season all he'd do was chase the group. Not even the ball, just run after the group of kids who were chasing the ball. Now he's getting it. He seems actually more coordinated of the boys at this age. So we'll see.

Squash (as we call #7) just likes junk food. The kids have mentioned, "Do you think he'll be fat when he gets bigger?" I have to tell them that we'll still love him! They're concerned for him, which cracks me up. And of course my sweet Sadie, the love of my life, just seems to get whiter and whiter every day, and hair redder and redder every day. Cracks me up when I hold her. Her white skin next to my brown-ness. Gonna have to keep some serious sunscreen on that girl!! I was telling a friend from church that she's my recessive gene baby and he goes, "maybe she's your last, had to scrape the bottom of the gene barrel ..." We had a good laugh.

And to answer that, not sure if she's our last or not. Sometimes I get the feeling that we'll have more, but I'm not committed either way. We'll know though. It's been such a wonderful blessing having these sweet spirits in my life. I love my kids so much. They're my everything. And it's not like I just "love newborns." Well, of course I love newborns. But I also love toddlers, preschoolers, I even love middle schoolers. I just love every age, every stage. Honestly, I feel like we'll have 2 more, but maybe not. Could just be a flash feeling of craziness! :)

OK, I best go. Needed to update a little this blog. My computer had crashed 2 mos ago.

14 years ... and counting!

Wow, it's "the most wonderful time of the year" in our household! Sadie born on the 11th, anniversary on the 23rd, Christmas, New Years ... very busy, blessed time. That's for sure! Today marks our 14th year of marriage. It's been a good 14 years. I take that back. A GREAT 14 years. I'm pretty lucky to be Matt's wife. And I will say, he's pretty lucky to have me, too! :) The day was spent just hanging around. I'm sewing PJs for the kids Christmas presents, so I worked a little on those. Later on, my good friend Melissa brought food for us because of our newborn. Holy cow! Good food! Funny thing is, I make lasagna like on a weekly basis. When the older boys started eating it, all I hear from them is, "This is the best lasagna EVER!" I was like, "Hey! What about my lasagna!" I didn't say anything though because I had to admit, it was sooo good! We've been watching a bunch of Gordon Ramsay shows and my oldest says, "This is like fancy Italian restaurant stuff!" I've got to get her recipe. My own lasagna needs a tune up! So for our anniversary celebration, we went out to eat. Ruby Tuesdays. But since it was our SPECIAL night, I went ahead and ordered the shrimp. I don't think I've EVAH ordered shrimp at a restaurant before. Always super expensive. 1st world problem, I know. Sadie slept in her carseat for a little, but not long. We took her out after about 10 mins. The guy who sat us asked if she was our 1st. We both said "no" and we both just looked at each other and remained silent. Just didn't feel like dealing with reactions that we typically get when we tell people how many kids we have. It's a blessing, a great blessing, to me to have 8 beautiful, perfect kids. Not everyone sees it that way. They're problem, I know, but it was apparent by both of our identical reactions, neither of us wanted anything to put a kink into our evening. The food was great, though I don't think Gordon Ramsay would have been happy. The cucumber in my salad was wilted and MAYBE the mashed potatoes were from a box. Sad thing is, they tasted fine to me, but I honestly couldn't tell! Ramsay could probably just look at the mashed potatoes and know. Towards the end of our dinner a super nice couple sitting at the bar, right acrossed from us, congratulated us on our new baby. "Boy or girl?" "Girl" (as she's dressed in pink with 2 pink blankets, but hey, it was sorta dark.) "Is this your 1st?" the husband asked. He looked to be about my own dad's age. We answered just like we did the host who sat us. "No. She's not." Then the guy goes, "Well, just don't tell me she's number 7!" Matt and I just busted out laughing and I said, "Actually, she's number 8!" The guy and his wife start laughing, he starts saying, "Open mouth, insert foot" over and over. The thing is, they were a super nice couple. From upstate NY. It was cool hearing him talk. He had the same exact accent as my dad, even used the same frases, like, "Good G_d Almighty." (Though my dad says good GOSH Almighty.) He gave us his coupon, saying, "You've got 8 kids, you can use this coupon!" It was one of those coupons you get in the mail. So it had his address on it. We're going to send him a family picture, just for the heck of it. I think he'll get a big kick out of seeing the kids. So many thoughts right now. So many feelings of gratitude in my heart. Heavenly Father has blessed me with so much. I know the kids don't realize right now how blessed THEY are to have parents who love each other, who love them, but one day they will. We talked a little about how we felt regarding more kids. Right now, it's too soon for me to say. I'm enjoying not being pregnant. I'm also enjoying Sadie so much. I'm enjoying ALL my kids so much. At this moment in time, I can only say, regarding more kids or not, "we'll see." By the time Sadie's Colby's age, Colby will be 26. Time just FLIES so fast. I've only got Colby for 5 more years and then he'll take off, with his brother practically hanging on to his feathers to leave. Then they'll all take off, one right after the other, just like that. Do I fill these last 5 years with another pregnancy? Or is it time to totally turn my attention to my growing kids? Not that another pregnancy is bad. I've been super lucky and blessed with easy pregnancies, but just something to think about. Which is why I say, "we'll see." Heavenly Father will let me know. This is another reason I just recently marked my photography prices higher. I realize that I TOTALLY run the risk of never having another photo shoot again, but that's fine. Not being so busy with photography will let me write more about life with the kids, something that's SO IMORTANT for me to do which I've totally neglected over the past 2-3 years. And it'll free up my time so I can spend more time with the kids. I'm looking forward to it!!

Sweet Sadie B.

I can't believe it, but Sadie is 1 week old EXACTLY. It's 5:58. She was born last Wed at 5:54. This time 1 week ago, I was on TOP OF THE WORLD, announcing my joy to everyone in the room how happy I was to NOT BE PREGNANT! I do that all the time. Go from screaming hollaring freaking out to pure euphoria with that last push and having my precious baby placed on my chest. They ALL look the same and have that weird poop smell when they come out. But I see past it all and feel nothing but a fierce love for my babies. Along with that fierce relief of not being pregnant.

And I can't let another day go by before I write her birth story. I remember taking the pregnancy test. I had never gone so long between babies. Riley was 19 mos old when my pregnancy test came back positive. I had wanted to get pregnant sooner, figured I WOULD be pregnant sooner, but I guess my biological clock ticks faster and stronger than I want it to. Getting less fertile was my thinking, even wondering if I was never going to get pregnant again. I had come to terms with it, sorta. I always wanted 7, but felt we'd have another to the point that I DESIRED another. Badly. I took the test April 1st and when it came back positive, I actually threw it away. I normally keep them because I have weird issues like that. But I threw it away because I didn't FEEL pregnant physically and the last time I felt that way, it ended in a miscarriage.

The first 20 weeks, I just didn't feel right about the pregnancy. I felt that SOMETHING was wrong.

And at my 20 week ultrasound, those feelings were sorta confirmed. My baby showed cysts in her brain. I was told it was most likely normal but could also mean down syndrome or trisomy. I. Was. Devastated.

I wanted to curl up and disappear. I was also told that my placenta needed to be at least 4cm from my cervix but was measuring 1. The images flooding my mind were going in for a c-section and leaving the hospital without my baby. I was spinning. Literally.

I immediately felt such an empathy for moms who go through the unimaginable. How incredibly strong you are to go through it and survive it. I've always felt heartbroken for moms who go through such things and for a moment, I tasted it. It was terrible. Emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual drowning is how I felt.

I didn't want to tell anyone. Didn't want to deal with people's reactions and what not. But then the words of my dear friend Missy came to mind, "If I'm going through something hard, I'll tell people because I'll want their prayers." So I decided to follow her advice and I asked for prayers for my sweet baby.

Heavenly Father hears prayers and He DOES answer them. We had our follow up ultrasound and everything looked perfect, except for the 2 cysts, still hanging out in her brain. But I was assured it was normal. AND my placenta, which was at 1 cm, had moved to 6cm, so everyon was happy.

Fast forward to week 35 and my baby was breech. I could feel her little head up my sternum. But then my 38 weeks, she was very much head down. This baby was just keeping me on my toes.

Owen was another worry I had. He's such a Daddy's boy. Has no use for me. About 2 months before my due date, Owen became almost obsessed with my belly, with me, and with the baby inside. To the point that he didn't want to go to preschool anymore. Preschool is his oxygen, his life line. He LOVES it. But all of a sudden, he just wanted to be with me, near my belly, kissing and hugging my belly often during the day. I have to admit, I started getting worried more for Owen than for the baby! I always worry about my pregnancies, trying to not get attached until their safe arrival, but because of Owen, I really found myself pleading with Heavenly Father, "do not let anything happen to this baby because of Owen!!"

I was due Dec 10. At 2:30AM on the 11th, I woke up, used the bathroom, went back to bed, laid down, put my head head on my pillow, and wham, my water broke. And my anxiety started to pick up. I can't have pain meds as my body reacts terribly. And my labors are NOT quick. They last forever. That said, my anxiety was HORRIBLE with Riley. Matt said he had never seen me behave the way I behaved while I was in laor with Riley. It's because I forgot how much I hated labor and was in the process of remembering it and remembering everything I was going to have to go through! Once again, I asked some friends for prayers, to calm my anxiety and to bless me with a smooth labor and delivery.

Around 10 that morning, after the kids had gone to school (oh, and by the way, the kids were more excited at the prospect of sleeping over their friends houses than having new baby sister. Turkeys.) we went to the midwives. Mary checked me. I was at a 6. And I told her I did not want to go to the hospital until I had to. And sweet Mary said, "You can do whatever you want right now. Because your water broke at 2:30, you do need to go to the hospital by 2:30 this afternoon though." And because we're slackers, we decided, "Lets go to Target and buy her carseat. Cuz we need to get one for her."

My contractions were about 10 mins apart. At times I'd have a few that were 5 mins apart, but all very do able. I'd have to either stop or walk super slow at Target, some contractions brought tears to my eyes, but I could manage them. We got a bite to eat and then I wanted to go home and rest. I was able to rest. My contractions even stopped for a bit. Around 2, we made our way back to the hospital. And I felt calm.

When I got there, Mary checked me. I was about at an 8. I wondered if I wanted to maybe try for the epidural cuz WHO KNOWS! Maybe it'd work this time? :) But I felt CALM, and Matt reminded me that I want epidurals all the time but when the baby's born, I'm so glad I didn't get one because they ARE so hard on me. We walked around some more, I labored a bit in the room, heard a lady I met just the other day at the midwives, hollaring as she delivered. Matt and I discussed names.

We hadn't picked a name yet. I told him, "search names that start with 'M', 'R', 'S', and 'T'." Between contractions we made a short list of names from that search. We had previously settled on 2 possible middle names: Cruz and Brazil. Cruz is a common surname on my Filipino side and Brazil is the country we both served our missions in. Funny thing, we didn't tell ANYONE about Brazil, just because I was sure it'd elicit funny looks and I didn't want to get irritated. But then one evening I was given a surprise baby shower and during the shower, naming the baby came up. Missy all of a sudden goes, "What about Brazil because you both served there." That girl,she and I have twin minds. But hearing her say it, it just sounded even better than Cruz. BUT I wasn't sold yet.

Around 5:40 I was at a 9 and Mary suggested we go ahead with the pitocin. I got to a 9.5 and Mary said, "OK, lets just have a practice push on your next contraction." I did a practice push and things started happening. Next contraction after, her head was out, and, although I didn't feel any more contractions, I had to push again to get the rest of her body out. Normally I'm slammed with contractions and I can't help BUT to push. This time, I pushed mnore because Mary told me to push. It wasn't that bad!!!!! I couldn't believe it!

This time around, contractions didn't kick my butt. This time around, ZERO anxiety. I wasn't even SORE at all! It was surreal. And I mentally thanked my friends for their prayers.

They laid my baby on my chest and I was totally engulfed in pure joy and elation. The placenta came out and Mary looked up at me and said, "You are a very lucky mom and your baby is a very VERY lucky baby." I got confused. She then showed us the placenta. "You had a velamentous insertion." She explained that because the blood vessels were exposed, ANYTHING could have caused a rupture, resulting in my baby bleeding to death. She couldn't believe it. She even made Matt take a picture of it.

Mary told us, "you have a little miracle baby here."

That's why we went with the name Brazil. Yes, we both served missions there, but for me, Brazil was my personal miracle. That's a whole other story, but Brazil changed me. I am who I am today because of Brazil.

I'm super OCD with my kids names. The girls have to have 3 syllable first names, 1 syllable middle name, boys it has to be 2 and 2. All names have to have a double letter and a family name. Sadie Brazil broke all the rules. And it's perfect for her because I feel, actually, I KNOW she beat so many odds to get to our family safely. She's a red head! Aren't all red heads fiesty??

Sadie's birth is such a testimony builder to me of prayer. Holy cow. And asking for others to pray with and for you. I know that not all prayers are answered as we want them, but the fact that she's here safe and sound, that I had no anxiety during labor and that labor wasn't bad at all, was such a tender mercy for me. My goodness, Heavenly Father REALLY is REAL!

I left the hospital the very next day, 8PM to be exact. They wanted me to stay at least 24 hours. On our way home, we had to stop at Target because of course that evening we were informed that my 4th grader needed an outfit for her concert that we didn't have. So she and I ran out to quickly get her things. The cashier, as we were checking out, asked me when I was due. I sorta wanted to say in 2 months because maybe she'd say I looked great for being 7 mos pregnant, but I couldn't lie infront of my daughter, so I told her, "well, I had her last night."

Which is a perfect end to the post because I've been asked that question for every child since my 3rd.

Latest ultrasound and such!

So we had our "stage 2" ultrasound. Because of the 2 cysts, they scheduled a 2nd ultrasound by a more "experienced" technician. He's actually one of the doctors at the clinic who went through extra schooling for ultrasounds. He looked at everything from general appearance (how the knuckles lined up, where the chin was in proportion to the rest of the face, size of bones, etc.) to how the organs were functioning, blood flow, artery placement, etc. He was looking for "soft signs" or something like that. After he was done, he smiled, looked at me, and said, "You can continue your monthly check ups with your regular midwives. Your baby looks great." As happy as he was, I was still reeling from the previous bad news and felt even a bit "apprehensive" still. I was of course happy, but not jumping for joy. More like, "are you SUUURE??" But now that it's been a few weeks, I can report that I've been able to relax some. We got the test results from my blood work in the mail recently, and about made me cry when it showed that my chances of having a trisomy baby were 1 in 10,000. STILL that chance, I understand that, but the ultrasound along with the test results are at least giving me SOME peace of mind. I still am anxious to get this baby here. Breath better when she's in my arms.

But not really cuz when do you really stop worrying? :)

Anyways, life is going well. Kids started school. I have a 7th, 6th, 4th, 2nd, K, and preschool. My middle schoolers love it. I asked my 6th grader what he liked BEST about middle school. He goes, "You don't have to walk in a line anymore." Wasn't expecting that!

But very glad he's happy as a new middle schooler.

And of course the busy sports season has started. 5 playing soccer, 1 playing football. People are always asking how we do sports. I'm not quite sure how to properly answer that cuz you just make it happen. You deal with 6 kids playing sports as you would 1, 2, or 10. Put on your big girl panties and go!! My 7th grader is playing football for the first time. I'm a bit nervous about that. I tried to brainwash him into soccer since his preschool soccer team, but it didn't work. We'll see how the season goes. He can try out for the JV team next year, so I thought why not let him get one season under his belt before tryouts.

My 6th grader is die hard MLS! So of course I'm loving that. He's one of 2 from his team last year that was pulled up to play with the "red" team. This red team is a pretty tight group. So he needs to work his way in w/o getting discouraged, including just coming out of a broken leg situation. He's cut out of that fabric though, he can do it. I'm looking forward to his season.

I'm coaching my 2nd graders team this year. I love that I don't have to coach the k and 1st graders. It's just one step up, but I feel like I can start to get some real soccer playing going on in their little brains. It's fun. I sure love it!! And hoping that all the sports and busy weeks and weekends hurries up this pregnancy! :)

Matt's in his last semester of CLASS work. I love it! It's like I see a light at the end of the tunnel!!! I'm almost 40. It'll be so nice to have an INCOME soon. It's been quite the road for us. I married Matt after I had already graduated, but he was still getting his BS. Then he got his Masters, then PhD, worked for a couple of years, and decided to do the PA program. 2 years more. Anyways, it's all good. It's better financial security for the family and he's been SOOOO HAPPY this past year in school! It's great! I know he'll be a great PA. When he's get there!!

Today I took my little preschooler in for his "well check" which included 4 shots. In the waiting room he suddenly got this look of fear and said to me, "I don't want the doctor to do this" and he proceeded to poke his pointer finger way deep into his belly. I had the feeling that he was referring to getting shots, but wasn't remembering correctly. But I ran with it. He goes, "Mom, pinky promise that the doctor won't do this" (push finger deep into belly.) So I said, "I PINKY promise!"

Because he WASN'T going to do that, right?

After he got his 4 shots, through his tears, he goes, "Mom, you PINKY promised!!!" So I played dumb and reminded him that I pinky promised not getting a finger pushed through his belly. O just looked at me as if to say, "You KNEW what I meant!" So I said, "you meant to say, 'no shots!'" The doctor told me he wouldn't get any more immunizations until he was 11, so I went ahead and said, "so I PINKY PROMISE that no shots!" I figure by the time he's 11 he'll either forget the pinky promise or be better able to deal with shots.

Lately Matt and I have been sorta butting heads regarding something. It's sports. I won't write about it now, but I will in my next post. I'd love to hear people's reactions/opinions, but to be perfectly honest, I'm more curious than looking for "advice." Because I know where I stand and nothing's going to change it. But for now, I'm saying good night! And I'll let everyone know when I post the "sports" blog.

Good night!

July 26 2013 ~ The ultrasound

So I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant now. 20.5 to be exact. We got to find out today what we're having. The ultrasoundologist (is that even a word?) never did get a good look. Either the umbilical cord was totlly covering her/him or her/his legs were completely closed. She just assumed because she couldn't see ANYTHING that it's a girl. So on the photo, it's "girl?" It's all good though. I just want healthy. Not sure if that's what we're going to get though. She looks perfect, sure was moving all over the place, even tapping her little foot ~ we all started laughing. At the end of the ultrasound, she goes, "Everything looks great. My only concern is there are 2 cysts in her brain." She had fancy words for it, but that's the layman's terms. She said that she hated to tell us because it's quite common, but that we'd need to have some follow up ultrasounds and visits. I've read so many times that when people get bad news, the room sorta spins and then feels like it slowly just crushes down on you. I was laying in the bed and when she said that, I literally felt like the ceiling very slowly came down around me and slowly squeezed me. She said the midwife would talk to me more about it. I didn't really have any reaction at that moment. We were taken to another room for my actual visit w/the midwife and that's when I just couldn't handle it anymore. The midwife had spoken to the doctor before she came to me and this is what she said: Because everything else looked fine, they weren't really worried at all. She said that the cysts were the ONLY things of concern, so because of that, they weren't too alarmed. She said the cysts could be there even after the baby is born but then they just simply go away. She said they were quite common. It still didn't help. Partly because from the very beginning, I felt more nervous about this pregnancy. 7 healthy kids, it's like I'm playing Russian roulet or something. Even going into the ultrasound, I was uneasy. I'm hoping and praying that my unease was just because we'd be getting THIS news and nothing else. The range of problems that we could encounter are from absolutely nothing at all to down syndrome to that trychanomisis 18 syndrom etc (I don't know the exact word and number, but I don't want to google it either because I just don't want to.) Needless to say, I've been crying all day. I took a long nap, that seemed to help, but seriously, my eyes are so dry and swollen that they actually kinda funny. After we left the clinic Matt suggested we take a walk. Down the road from the clinic is a cancer care center. As we passed it, I saw someone in a wheel chair, obviously super sick, being pushed by someone else. I immediately thought, "things for me could be so much worse" but then the more I thought about it, the more my wandered to the thousands and thousands of people affected by ill health, death, loss, and similar trials. How they cope, I do not know, but my heart just goes out to them and aches for them. It's been a somber day for me. Wanting to stay away from people, just needing to be at home with Matt and the kids. Matt feels that all will be fine. He's not too worried. I am. I'm just so in love with this little baby. Seeing her move around so much, keeping her little hands up around her face. Her profile pic it so cute. Perfect little nose and chin. Her little bumbum. She's perfect. I just pray and pray and pray that all will be well and healthy for her. I have another ultasound in a couple of weeks. They took my blood to do that DNA test. The midwife said that with those results and the "level 2 ultrasound", we could know better what we're dealing with. She and the doctor were pretty optimistic, I'm just scared. And doing a lot of praying. Haven't told the kids. No need to. But we'll be praying.