Sweet Sadie B.

I can't believe it, but Sadie is 1 week old EXACTLY. It's 5:58. She was born last Wed at 5:54. This time 1 week ago, I was on TOP OF THE WORLD, announcing my joy to everyone in the room how happy I was to NOT BE PREGNANT! I do that all the time. Go from screaming hollaring freaking out to pure euphoria with that last push and having my precious baby placed on my chest. They ALL look the same and have that weird poop smell when they come out. But I see past it all and feel nothing but a fierce love for my babies. Along with that fierce relief of not being pregnant.

And I can't let another day go by before I write her birth story. I remember taking the pregnancy test. I had never gone so long between babies. Riley was 19 mos old when my pregnancy test came back positive. I had wanted to get pregnant sooner, figured I WOULD be pregnant sooner, but I guess my biological clock ticks faster and stronger than I want it to. Getting less fertile was my thinking, even wondering if I was never going to get pregnant again. I had come to terms with it, sorta. I always wanted 7, but felt we'd have another to the point that I DESIRED another. Badly. I took the test April 1st and when it came back positive, I actually threw it away. I normally keep them because I have weird issues like that. But I threw it away because I didn't FEEL pregnant physically and the last time I felt that way, it ended in a miscarriage.

The first 20 weeks, I just didn't feel right about the pregnancy. I felt that SOMETHING was wrong.

And at my 20 week ultrasound, those feelings were sorta confirmed. My baby showed cysts in her brain. I was told it was most likely normal but could also mean down syndrome or trisomy. I. Was. Devastated.

I wanted to curl up and disappear. I was also told that my placenta needed to be at least 4cm from my cervix but was measuring 1. The images flooding my mind were going in for a c-section and leaving the hospital without my baby. I was spinning. Literally.

I immediately felt such an empathy for moms who go through the unimaginable. How incredibly strong you are to go through it and survive it. I've always felt heartbroken for moms who go through such things and for a moment, I tasted it. It was terrible. Emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual drowning is how I felt.

I didn't want to tell anyone. Didn't want to deal with people's reactions and what not. But then the words of my dear friend Missy came to mind, "If I'm going through something hard, I'll tell people because I'll want their prayers." So I decided to follow her advice and I asked for prayers for my sweet baby.

Heavenly Father hears prayers and He DOES answer them. We had our follow up ultrasound and everything looked perfect, except for the 2 cysts, still hanging out in her brain. But I was assured it was normal. AND my placenta, which was at 1 cm, had moved to 6cm, so everyon was happy.

Fast forward to week 35 and my baby was breech. I could feel her little head up my sternum. But then my 38 weeks, she was very much head down. This baby was just keeping me on my toes.

Owen was another worry I had. He's such a Daddy's boy. Has no use for me. About 2 months before my due date, Owen became almost obsessed with my belly, with me, and with the baby inside. To the point that he didn't want to go to preschool anymore. Preschool is his oxygen, his life line. He LOVES it. But all of a sudden, he just wanted to be with me, near my belly, kissing and hugging my belly often during the day. I have to admit, I started getting worried more for Owen than for the baby! I always worry about my pregnancies, trying to not get attached until their safe arrival, but because of Owen, I really found myself pleading with Heavenly Father, "do not let anything happen to this baby because of Owen!!"

I was due Dec 10. At 2:30AM on the 11th, I woke up, used the bathroom, went back to bed, laid down, put my head head on my pillow, and wham, my water broke. And my anxiety started to pick up. I can't have pain meds as my body reacts terribly. And my labors are NOT quick. They last forever. That said, my anxiety was HORRIBLE with Riley. Matt said he had never seen me behave the way I behaved while I was in laor with Riley. It's because I forgot how much I hated labor and was in the process of remembering it and remembering everything I was going to have to go through! Once again, I asked some friends for prayers, to calm my anxiety and to bless me with a smooth labor and delivery.

Around 10 that morning, after the kids had gone to school (oh, and by the way, the kids were more excited at the prospect of sleeping over their friends houses than having new baby sister. Turkeys.) we went to the midwives. Mary checked me. I was at a 6. And I told her I did not want to go to the hospital until I had to. And sweet Mary said, "You can do whatever you want right now. Because your water broke at 2:30, you do need to go to the hospital by 2:30 this afternoon though." And because we're slackers, we decided, "Lets go to Target and buy her carseat. Cuz we need to get one for her."

My contractions were about 10 mins apart. At times I'd have a few that were 5 mins apart, but all very do able. I'd have to either stop or walk super slow at Target, some contractions brought tears to my eyes, but I could manage them. We got a bite to eat and then I wanted to go home and rest. I was able to rest. My contractions even stopped for a bit. Around 2, we made our way back to the hospital. And I felt calm.

When I got there, Mary checked me. I was about at an 8. I wondered if I wanted to maybe try for the epidural cuz WHO KNOWS! Maybe it'd work this time? :) But I felt CALM, and Matt reminded me that I want epidurals all the time but when the baby's born, I'm so glad I didn't get one because they ARE so hard on me. We walked around some more, I labored a bit in the room, heard a lady I met just the other day at the midwives, hollaring as she delivered. Matt and I discussed names.

We hadn't picked a name yet. I told him, "search names that start with 'M', 'R', 'S', and 'T'." Between contractions we made a short list of names from that search. We had previously settled on 2 possible middle names: Cruz and Brazil. Cruz is a common surname on my Filipino side and Brazil is the country we both served our missions in. Funny thing, we didn't tell ANYONE about Brazil, just because I was sure it'd elicit funny looks and I didn't want to get irritated. But then one evening I was given a surprise baby shower and during the shower, naming the baby came up. Missy all of a sudden goes, "What about Brazil because you both served there." That girl,she and I have twin minds. But hearing her say it, it just sounded even better than Cruz. BUT I wasn't sold yet.

Around 5:40 I was at a 9 and Mary suggested we go ahead with the pitocin. I got to a 9.5 and Mary said, "OK, lets just have a practice push on your next contraction." I did a practice push and things started happening. Next contraction after, her head was out, and, although I didn't feel any more contractions, I had to push again to get the rest of her body out. Normally I'm slammed with contractions and I can't help BUT to push. This time, I pushed mnore because Mary told me to push. It wasn't that bad!!!!! I couldn't believe it!

This time around, contractions didn't kick my butt. This time around, ZERO anxiety. I wasn't even SORE at all! It was surreal. And I mentally thanked my friends for their prayers.

They laid my baby on my chest and I was totally engulfed in pure joy and elation. The placenta came out and Mary looked up at me and said, "You are a very lucky mom and your baby is a very VERY lucky baby." I got confused. She then showed us the placenta. "You had a velamentous insertion." She explained that because the blood vessels were exposed, ANYTHING could have caused a rupture, resulting in my baby bleeding to death. She couldn't believe it. She even made Matt take a picture of it.

Mary told us, "you have a little miracle baby here."

That's why we went with the name Brazil. Yes, we both served missions there, but for me, Brazil was my personal miracle. That's a whole other story, but Brazil changed me. I am who I am today because of Brazil.

I'm super OCD with my kids names. The girls have to have 3 syllable first names, 1 syllable middle name, boys it has to be 2 and 2. All names have to have a double letter and a family name. Sadie Brazil broke all the rules. And it's perfect for her because I feel, actually, I KNOW she beat so many odds to get to our family safely. She's a red head! Aren't all red heads fiesty??

Sadie's birth is such a testimony builder to me of prayer. Holy cow. And asking for others to pray with and for you. I know that not all prayers are answered as we want them, but the fact that she's here safe and sound, that I had no anxiety during labor and that labor wasn't bad at all, was such a tender mercy for me. My goodness, Heavenly Father REALLY is REAL!

I left the hospital the very next day, 8PM to be exact. They wanted me to stay at least 24 hours. On our way home, we had to stop at Target because of course that evening we were informed that my 4th grader needed an outfit for her concert that we didn't have. So she and I ran out to quickly get her things. The cashier, as we were checking out, asked me when I was due. I sorta wanted to say in 2 months because maybe she'd say I looked great for being 7 mos pregnant, but I couldn't lie infront of my daughter, so I told her, "well, I had her last night."

Which is a perfect end to the post because I've been asked that question for every child since my 3rd.