It's been a while. Too long! Lots has happened in our home over the past few months.
We had a family friend, Joe, stay with us for about 3 months. That was seriously so fun. He's 18, so an older brother to the kids. He took this role nicely and actually helped to make the house even happier. The kids all loved him here and when he left, there were some heavy hearts. Mine included. He went back to VA to be with his peeps, but the time here was priceless. Love you Joe!!
4 weeks ago I had surgery to give me a new ACL (which I had torn playing bball a couple of years ago) and to fix my meniscus.
If any of you reading this has a jacked up knee and needs surgery to fix it ... DO IT! Here's why.
20 years ago I did the same thing to my left knee playing soccer. I blew out my knee completely. Had what people call the "unhappy triade." It sucked. Surgery sucked. Physical therapy was forever. I had crutches for weeks, a brace for months, and I had chewed through half my bottle of pain killers before I was able to go to regular Tylenol.
It was a nightmare.
So when I found myself in the surgery center, cap and gown, ready to have another go at it (my other knee this time) I was ... floored. How'd I get myself back into this again??? And a bit frustrated knowing the road to recovery would be long and arduous. But I had to do it. I even felt compelled to get my knee fixed.
My last memory was walking with the nurse to the operating room, seeing the anesthesiologist and 2 nurses, and my "bed." It oddly felt like going to execution table. I laid in the bed, freezing. That room is an ice box. Last thing I heard a nurse say was, "we'll get you warm."
Then it was, "the surgery is over Erika."
I had some weird reaction I remember. I was rhythmically slamming my arms down beside myself, then fold them across my chest, then slam them down again. I can remember that. And I couldn't stop.
They gave me Benadryhl. SOOO random! Benadryhl. Apparently it worked though.
ANYWAYS!
Long story short. It's 4 weeks today from my surgery. Guess what I did today? I went on a 6 mile bike ride and did a short pilates workout. And I can bend my knee so that my heel can ALMOST touch my bum and straighten my leg to where the back of my knee HITS the floor. Oh, and I only had 3 painkillers the entire time!
CRAZY!
I'm walking not only without a brace, but almost without a limp!!
Night and day from 20 years ago!
Point I'm making is ... medical technology has improved by leaps and bounds over the past 20 years ago! When I went in for my post op, my doctor basically told me that if I were to resume my regular activities (running, bball, soccer, racquetball, etc) I would need a total knee replacement in about 20 years.
Bring. It. ON! In 20 years it'll either be the 2nd Coming anyways or if not, a knee replacement will entail a dab of lavender essential oils or some quick sprinkling of glitter or something.
So. If you need an ACL repair and aren't really wanting to. Do it. You'll be sooo glad you did! Big girl is gonna be back to playing some big girl bball in a few months!!! I can't WAIT!
Lets see. What else besides the knee?
Kids are doing great. Gosh I love being a mom. Repeat, I love being a mom. I didn't say "I rock being a mom" nor did I say, "Being a mom is easy" or "I finally figured out my role as a mom" or anything along those lines. I just love my kids. They're all so different, all so funny. All so freaking head strong. I'm not here to mother them. They hardly listen to me. I'm just here tell them everything I know, make sure they know how to clean, remind them to brush their teeth, and hug them.
I drop them off to school and they do their thing. And I simply pray that they ... make decisions that will make the world a better place for all those who meet them.
Gideon does this. Every single day.
You know what I dislike? When people refer to Gideon as having problems, being handicapped, special needs. I'm not being overly sensitive. Heck, people can say "retarded" around me and it doesn't phase me in the least.
Because I literally see Gideon as nothing but great. Just like I see all my kids. They're great. ALL have imperfections, but all are great. Gideon has his greatness and his imperfections in different areas than the rest of the kids. But at the same times, my oldest has his greatness and imperfections in different areas than the rest of the kids.
Do you see the point I'm trying to make?
Gideon may not kick a ball as hard as his brothers, but he can make a room erupt in laughter faster than anyone else. That's why I feel like Gideon most perfectly completes our family. It's like, every single gap is filled with him. He softens his siblings like no other. His siblings make him scream and race through the house like no other. If there's ANY yelling in the house, Gideon cries and everyone rushes over to comfort him. It turns into a laugh fest.
OK, I'm getting super tired. I'm working on a quilt now. I can't WAIT to see it done! It's going to a dear friend in VA. I can't wait for her to get it. It's gonna be the biggest quilt I've ever made. I love this lady so much. I can't wait!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
Lessons at the pool
We're a family of soccer, pool, church, fun, and arguments. Plain and simple.
The other day I was chatting with a friend, Kris. We got to talking about Gideon. And I shared with her something I feel like I need to share here.
The summer before Gideon was born was, to put it mildly, H.O.T. It was even too hot to go to the pool sometimes. But we'd go. Of course.
I remember one specific family that summer. It was a couple with a younger daughter, maybe 10? She had SOMETHING going on. Cerebral palsy? Autism? I don't know. But I can specifically remember always seeing them at the pool and always watching them.
I weird mom watched that couple with the girl. They would carry her in the pool, letting her lie on her back and float and swirl her in the water. There was so much love and concern for their daughter. What hit me most was the thought, "that little girl has bonded her family stronger than most families." You could tell her parents were 100% invested in her, which made them invested in one another. What also hit me was, "that little girl was a very elite and valiant and special spirit, so her mission here on Earth is a protected albeit powerful one." And I was hit with the realization that her parents were, as well, strong and mighty spirits who came to Earth to help this elite spirit experience mortality, in her complicated body.
Strength. It was strength that I saw most in this family. From the daughter, from the father, and ESPECIALLY her mother.
And I felt respect and admiration for this family.
And as I rubbed my belly, knowing I was carrying a boy who was, as per his ultrasound, perfectly healthy, I thought, "That's great for them, but that's just not for me."
You see, I'm not cut out for that kind of a life. I was almost strangled by a guy with special needs when I was 7, so I grew up fearful of any and all folks that were "handicap." I never could have a normal and comfortable conversation with someone with special needs. Or with their parents even. They were all on a different level from me. I recognized they were on higher levels even. But quite frankly, a level I had zero interest in. Zero.
When Gideon was diagnosed with Trisomy 21, my world stopped. It stopped spinning. But it only stopped because it needed start to spin in another direction.
I IMMEDIATELY recognized the powerful spirit that is Gideon and that resides in his perfect little body. I also IMMEDIATELY recognized the love and trust that both he and our Heavenly Father have in me, to take care of Gideon here on Earth. And what I recognized even sooner, and feel every single day, is the KNOWLEDGE that Gideon and I were very, very, VERY close in the pre-life. Every time I hold him, my spirit burns inside. My spirit recognizes Gideon. It's such a powerful feeling.
And I am warming up to the truth that, just like that mother who I watched from a quiet distance, I too am strength. I saw her strong spirit as she held her daughter in the pool. Her fiercely loyal spirit. The past almost 15 months, I am learning that I have a strength that I simply didn't recognize before. The strength to do what is right for Gideon. For all my children. The strength to question doctors and therapists. The strength to clearly recognize for my children, the Lord's hand in their lives. The strength to feel comfortable with other "severely elite spirits and their moms." And most importantly, the strength to change.
Gideon gets me. He understands people. He's interested in his siblings. He's loving and patient and happy and kind.
If we're going to label Gideon as being "handicap" or a child with "special needs", I would suggest we are ALL handicap or we ALL have special needs. My world spins in another direction as I recognize that I actually have more issues than my son! I'm prideful, I'm impatient, I don't do everything I say I'm going to do. I have a hard time forgiving. I can blow people off. And as I recognize this about myself and SEE this as a handicap, I'm humbled. I'm softer. And it makes me more accepting of others.
Oh my gosh how Gideon has opened up a new level of life. And new sphere that was always there but that I never, ever, EVER recognized before!
And then it hits me. I have now joined in the ranks of parents who, in my mind, years ago, were "at that level" that I wasn't cut out for. And I realize it's not about being "cut out for." It's all about being gifted the KEY to that level to open the door to experience life in a way that REALLY lets you experience life.
Having a child with Down Syndrome is a gift. From Heavenly Father.
The other day I was chatting with a friend, Kris. We got to talking about Gideon. And I shared with her something I feel like I need to share here.
The summer before Gideon was born was, to put it mildly, H.O.T. It was even too hot to go to the pool sometimes. But we'd go. Of course.
I remember one specific family that summer. It was a couple with a younger daughter, maybe 10? She had SOMETHING going on. Cerebral palsy? Autism? I don't know. But I can specifically remember always seeing them at the pool and always watching them.
I weird mom watched that couple with the girl. They would carry her in the pool, letting her lie on her back and float and swirl her in the water. There was so much love and concern for their daughter. What hit me most was the thought, "that little girl has bonded her family stronger than most families." You could tell her parents were 100% invested in her, which made them invested in one another. What also hit me was, "that little girl was a very elite and valiant and special spirit, so her mission here on Earth is a protected albeit powerful one." And I was hit with the realization that her parents were, as well, strong and mighty spirits who came to Earth to help this elite spirit experience mortality, in her complicated body.
Strength. It was strength that I saw most in this family. From the daughter, from the father, and ESPECIALLY her mother.
And I felt respect and admiration for this family.
And as I rubbed my belly, knowing I was carrying a boy who was, as per his ultrasound, perfectly healthy, I thought, "That's great for them, but that's just not for me."
You see, I'm not cut out for that kind of a life. I was almost strangled by a guy with special needs when I was 7, so I grew up fearful of any and all folks that were "handicap." I never could have a normal and comfortable conversation with someone with special needs. Or with their parents even. They were all on a different level from me. I recognized they were on higher levels even. But quite frankly, a level I had zero interest in. Zero.
When Gideon was diagnosed with Trisomy 21, my world stopped. It stopped spinning. But it only stopped because it needed start to spin in another direction.
I IMMEDIATELY recognized the powerful spirit that is Gideon and that resides in his perfect little body. I also IMMEDIATELY recognized the love and trust that both he and our Heavenly Father have in me, to take care of Gideon here on Earth. And what I recognized even sooner, and feel every single day, is the KNOWLEDGE that Gideon and I were very, very, VERY close in the pre-life. Every time I hold him, my spirit burns inside. My spirit recognizes Gideon. It's such a powerful feeling.
And I am warming up to the truth that, just like that mother who I watched from a quiet distance, I too am strength. I saw her strong spirit as she held her daughter in the pool. Her fiercely loyal spirit. The past almost 15 months, I am learning that I have a strength that I simply didn't recognize before. The strength to do what is right for Gideon. For all my children. The strength to question doctors and therapists. The strength to clearly recognize for my children, the Lord's hand in their lives. The strength to feel comfortable with other "severely elite spirits and their moms." And most importantly, the strength to change.
Gideon gets me. He understands people. He's interested in his siblings. He's loving and patient and happy and kind.
If we're going to label Gideon as being "handicap" or a child with "special needs", I would suggest we are ALL handicap or we ALL have special needs. My world spins in another direction as I recognize that I actually have more issues than my son! I'm prideful, I'm impatient, I don't do everything I say I'm going to do. I have a hard time forgiving. I can blow people off. And as I recognize this about myself and SEE this as a handicap, I'm humbled. I'm softer. And it makes me more accepting of others.
Oh my gosh how Gideon has opened up a new level of life. And new sphere that was always there but that I never, ever, EVER recognized before!
And then it hits me. I have now joined in the ranks of parents who, in my mind, years ago, were "at that level" that I wasn't cut out for. And I realize it's not about being "cut out for." It's all about being gifted the KEY to that level to open the door to experience life in a way that REALLY lets you experience life.
Having a child with Down Syndrome is a gift. From Heavenly Father.
Sunday, February 26, 2017
He's 1!
So I really don't know what to write. It's just been a good day.
Last week I got to go to VA. VA is quite easily, my "home." When I was there I felt like I fit into the area just like a puzzle piece. So many times I was saying, "I can't believe I'm back here!" Being with my friends and coming into step with them, synched perfectly, like I had never left, was SO COMFORTING. There are, without a doubt, people you associated with, laughed with, BONDED with, in the pre-life and meeting back up with them is simply nothing short of a blessing and tender mercy from Heavenly Father. I'm lucky that I get to enjoy mortal friendships with people who I bonded with before this life. It's a blessing.
When I came back, I could tell that Gideon couldn't quite "place" me. He acted like, "I know I should know this lady, but HOW?!" We're back to our old ways though. His eyes on me the entire time I'm in the same room with him and if someone's holding him and I'm close by, he turns towards me, leans towards me, and lifts his arms ever so slightly. And I get him and we both get all happy and kissy ;)
There's something that came to mind the other day. Gideon has seriously dulled the "bad" that's in me. He's softened me. He's relaxed me. Simply put, Gideon has made me a better person and has made our family kinder. If every family had a member with down syndrome, that family would just be better. If every family in a society was made "better", think of what would happen to said society?
The thought came to me then, "the society who welcomed and cherished their members with down syndrome would be a better society. And would thus create a nation that was a super power."
Babies with Trisomy 21 need to stop being aborted. It's like eating the meat but tossing the marrow-rich bone. Eating the avocado but tossing the nutrient packed seed. Not many people get the value in bone marrow or in the avocado seed. But those who DO, those who know how to cook with marrow rich bones or know how to access the goodness found in the avocado seed, THEY'RE the ones who are healthier, better off. Education's the obvious key.
Which is why, again, I want the world to know Gideon. I want to educate doctors and nurses. They need to be able to give the news of "you're expecting a baby with Trisomy 21" with excitement and even reverenced awe. Expectant mothers and fathers need to know that they just won the golden ticket. They were just blessed to get a NEW normal which would open their eyes, minds, and hearts to so much understanding you simply couldn't get any other way.
I know I'll touch upon this topic again, but I'm exhausted. It's been a good day. Just wanted to say that what this all boils down to is this.
Gideon is a gift.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
10 mos old
I don't know what it's going to be like to have a child with downs. I don't know what it's going to be like to have a teenager with downs. I don't know what it's going to be like to have an adult with downs.
But I do know what it's like to have a baby with downs.
Gideon thus far has been an absolute joy. He's love. He's smiles. He's relaxed. He's low stress. He's calm. He's self entertaining.
He comforts. He's "chill-lax." He's infectious. He communicates.
He's perfection.
When he's happy, like really happy, he's does this "booty-scooting" thing, minus the actual scoot. Just rocking. When he's meeting someone for the first time, he stares. They will not get a smile. He's just studying. If he's more shy, he'll put his head down and find the floor to be uber interesting. If he wants you to pick him up, he every so slightly raises his arms. He's learned that it's all he needs to do.
If he's WAY excited, he'll boot-scoot AND clap AND put his head down, then up again, then down and have this amazingly cute/funny/hilarious smile. If he's frustrated, he wipes his face with his tiny fingered hand. If he's tired, he whines.
If he sees me, it doesn't matter what he's doing, he won't take his eyes off me. My kids will at times tell me to NOT come around Gideon cuz he's laughing and playing with them and they know if he sees me, he'll simply, get distracted.
What a ginormous ego boost he is to me! ;)
I get so much done with Gideon because he's just happy to be playing at my side. He loves playing with my fabric scraps. He loves playing with paper and those envelopes with the plastic windows. That sound really gets him.
I was Facetime talking to my brother Samuel this AM and Samuel goes, "Let Gideon meet my puppy!"
Have you seen "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler? That guinea pig and Samuel's puppy have twinner eyeballs. Gideon HAD been staring at Samuel but when eyeballs came into view, Gideon just looked away. He looked down, he buried his face in my arms. Samuel and I were laughing so hard. Gideon doesn't like large eyeballs apparently! ;)
He's who the kids ask for first thing in the AM, even on school days. "Is Gideon awake?" If he is, they get so excited and he responds with smiles.
A favorite activity is letting him "attack". They'll put their head in his face and he'll grab hair and try and "eat" their faces. Oh my gosh!! Kids will have scratch marks on their face from his nails where he's grabbing so hard to "eat" them, but they'll be laughing soooo hard. And there's Gideon, just looking around, happy with the reactions he's caused.
Needless to say, Gideon is fun. He's a literal piece of Heaven in my home. I look at him and seriously don't see "down syndrome" but rather, I look at him and think, "I can't believe I get you!" I say that all the time!
The kids are forever telling him and each other how "popular" Gideon will be when he's in high school. They're already talking about whether or not he'll play basketball or wrestle. He's definitely gonna play soccer. They want to see him run track.
I absolutely love and am so grateful for the immense BOND my kids have with this child.
YEARS ago I heard a father say, regarding his daughter who had ... something. It wasn't downs but she was non-verbal and walked around and just stared. I can't remember what it was, but anyways, he said, "The best way to raise your teens is with a sibling with special needs."
I remember believing him but wishing I hadn't heard him say that because I wanted nothing to do with having a child with any type of "special needs." More recently, when I was pregnant with child number 7, I was playing the piano for a Primary program. I was super super SUPER nervous, but had a calming experience. I literally felt, right beside me, the presence of 2 kids. A girl who simply brought me calm and comfort, and next to her was a small boy. He was smiling and I had this feeling that he was just ALWAYS happy.
I told Matt that I thought #7 wasn't going to be our last because I felt "a girl comfort me." I purposefully left out the 9th child. For 2 reasons. I couldn't believe we'd actually have NINE kids and his joy actually scared me because I thought, "would he have down syndrome?" Because down's kids are known for their constant happiness. I thought, "that's just my weird thinking cuz I can't stop having kids so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." And, "I don't want any kids that aren't "perfectly healthy, across the board."
Yes, my honest thoughts.
Now that I've been REUNITED with Gideon, I realize REALLY how LUCKY. No, not lucky, but rather BLESSED BEYOND COMPARE that he's mine. And I'm his.
I can tell that Gideon was an elite before this life. He was one of Heavenly Father's most valiant, noble and wise. And we were close!!! I was bonded, before this life, with someone so valiant, noble and wise that he gets Heavenly Father's protection here on Earth. He can't be tempted by the devil. He's divinely protected. I walked with and had very personal relations with this type of spirit and we get to be together again here on Earth.
I'm so grateful for this knowledge and for knowing it's true.
Now what do I have my sights set on? I want to adopt a baby with down syndrome. Maybe even more than one. Because they are Heaven on Earth and I want to be an active and intimate part of that.
I want the world to know Gideon and I want the stigma around trisomy-21 to be a positive, exciting one. Because Gideon is pure positive. He's pure exciting. He's pure joy. He's pure love. He's pure.
But I do know what it's like to have a baby with downs.
Gideon thus far has been an absolute joy. He's love. He's smiles. He's relaxed. He's low stress. He's calm. He's self entertaining.
He comforts. He's "chill-lax." He's infectious. He communicates.
He's perfection.
When he's happy, like really happy, he's does this "booty-scooting" thing, minus the actual scoot. Just rocking. When he's meeting someone for the first time, he stares. They will not get a smile. He's just studying. If he's more shy, he'll put his head down and find the floor to be uber interesting. If he wants you to pick him up, he every so slightly raises his arms. He's learned that it's all he needs to do.
If he's WAY excited, he'll boot-scoot AND clap AND put his head down, then up again, then down and have this amazingly cute/funny/hilarious smile. If he's frustrated, he wipes his face with his tiny fingered hand. If he's tired, he whines.
If he sees me, it doesn't matter what he's doing, he won't take his eyes off me. My kids will at times tell me to NOT come around Gideon cuz he's laughing and playing with them and they know if he sees me, he'll simply, get distracted.
What a ginormous ego boost he is to me! ;)
I get so much done with Gideon because he's just happy to be playing at my side. He loves playing with my fabric scraps. He loves playing with paper and those envelopes with the plastic windows. That sound really gets him.
I was Facetime talking to my brother Samuel this AM and Samuel goes, "Let Gideon meet my puppy!"
Have you seen "Bedtime Stories" with Adam Sandler? That guinea pig and Samuel's puppy have twinner eyeballs. Gideon HAD been staring at Samuel but when eyeballs came into view, Gideon just looked away. He looked down, he buried his face in my arms. Samuel and I were laughing so hard. Gideon doesn't like large eyeballs apparently! ;)
He's who the kids ask for first thing in the AM, even on school days. "Is Gideon awake?" If he is, they get so excited and he responds with smiles.
A favorite activity is letting him "attack". They'll put their head in his face and he'll grab hair and try and "eat" their faces. Oh my gosh!! Kids will have scratch marks on their face from his nails where he's grabbing so hard to "eat" them, but they'll be laughing soooo hard. And there's Gideon, just looking around, happy with the reactions he's caused.
Needless to say, Gideon is fun. He's a literal piece of Heaven in my home. I look at him and seriously don't see "down syndrome" but rather, I look at him and think, "I can't believe I get you!" I say that all the time!
The kids are forever telling him and each other how "popular" Gideon will be when he's in high school. They're already talking about whether or not he'll play basketball or wrestle. He's definitely gonna play soccer. They want to see him run track.
I absolutely love and am so grateful for the immense BOND my kids have with this child.
YEARS ago I heard a father say, regarding his daughter who had ... something. It wasn't downs but she was non-verbal and walked around and just stared. I can't remember what it was, but anyways, he said, "The best way to raise your teens is with a sibling with special needs."
I remember believing him but wishing I hadn't heard him say that because I wanted nothing to do with having a child with any type of "special needs." More recently, when I was pregnant with child number 7, I was playing the piano for a Primary program. I was super super SUPER nervous, but had a calming experience. I literally felt, right beside me, the presence of 2 kids. A girl who simply brought me calm and comfort, and next to her was a small boy. He was smiling and I had this feeling that he was just ALWAYS happy.
I told Matt that I thought #7 wasn't going to be our last because I felt "a girl comfort me." I purposefully left out the 9th child. For 2 reasons. I couldn't believe we'd actually have NINE kids and his joy actually scared me because I thought, "would he have down syndrome?" Because down's kids are known for their constant happiness. I thought, "that's just my weird thinking cuz I can't stop having kids so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." And, "I don't want any kids that aren't "perfectly healthy, across the board."
Yes, my honest thoughts.
Now that I've been REUNITED with Gideon, I realize REALLY how LUCKY. No, not lucky, but rather BLESSED BEYOND COMPARE that he's mine. And I'm his.
I can tell that Gideon was an elite before this life. He was one of Heavenly Father's most valiant, noble and wise. And we were close!!! I was bonded, before this life, with someone so valiant, noble and wise that he gets Heavenly Father's protection here on Earth. He can't be tempted by the devil. He's divinely protected. I walked with and had very personal relations with this type of spirit and we get to be together again here on Earth.
I'm so grateful for this knowledge and for knowing it's true.
Now what do I have my sights set on? I want to adopt a baby with down syndrome. Maybe even more than one. Because they are Heaven on Earth and I want to be an active and intimate part of that.
I want the world to know Gideon and I want the stigma around trisomy-21 to be a positive, exciting one. Because Gideon is pure positive. He's pure exciting. He's pure joy. He's pure love. He's pure.
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