The goal was the 28th

A few months ago we were challenged at church to set a date and on that date, you were supposed to share the gospel with someone. 

We picked Dec 28th as our day.

And it's the 30 and no one has even mentioned forgetting about the goal much less even mentioned it at all.

So I'm going to say a few things here.  Kinda motivated by a conversation I had with a lady about a month ago. 

Here's the low down:

I went to get my eye looked at.  3 years ago McSmiley scratched my eye and I'm still suffering with it.  The visit cost me over $200, but I think I'm finally on the right track.  Anyways, I was in the back room getting checked in by a lady who was wearing a blue dress, hair pulled up in a bun, no make up ... I took her for Mennonite. 

She asked how many kids I had and when I said 8 it floored her.  She wondered how we afforded it both financially, mentally, emotionally etc.  I wasn't at all offended by her asking because I could tell she was truly curious and not being judgmental.  I get asked these types of questions anytime people find out we have 8.  I can spot judger from about 50 thousand miles away.  She wasn't.

I then asked her about her religion, asked if she was Mennonite.  She wasn't, but her religion was similar regarding dress code etc.  I said that I knew Mennonites had large families and if her religion was the same.  Regarding families.  She simply told me she wasn't married and that was that.

She asked what religion I was and when I told her "Mormon" I could tell her face changed.  I jokingly called her out on it.  And asked what SHE knew about Mormonism.  She didn't TOTALLY answer my question, but did say, "I just can't agree with having a Bible which says you don't add to or take away and then accepting another book.  And I just can't agree with following what's said in this book that was written by some guy."

I wanted to explain things to her, I was comfortable enough with her, but in all honesty, I didn't feel it was right and I did notice, as she was sharing her understanding of Mormonism, she was getting a bit defensive.  So I simply said, "I can understand why you would think that."

That wasn't a lie.  Because honestly, if I heard of a religion that basically had some guy write another book to go along with the Bible and the members of that religion "canonized" that book, I'd be marginally SCARED of that person because I'd see that person as brainwashed.  And brainwashed people are the scary cuz they're kind of ... Robotic. 

Sooo, I'm going to write what I would have told that lady.  Keep things simple so if one day, any of my kids wonder or struggle with their own understanding of their own religion, maybe they can read this and at least have an idea of what went on in their mom's head.

Having 8 kids actually comes in handy here.  As I teach my own children the things that I feel are important, even crucial for their own upbringing, happiness, it makes understanding the purpose of the Book of Mormon that much easier. 

All 8 of my kids get the same instruction.  All 8 learn or will learn that you respect authority.  They will all learn the importance of staying out of debt.  Of working hard at school and sports.  They will all learn how to play an instrument.  They will all learn, because I'm their mother, the reasons of eating healthy and the wisdom of enjoying desserts.  I want my kids to all learn the invaluable lesson that humor brings.  They will learn the it's super important to run AGAINST traffic.  I'll teach them everything I know!

What if we were separated?  What if 4 stayed with me and 4 went to the opposite side of the world?  Would I stop parenting them?  No.  I would call them, I would text them, I would write them.  They would all still hear from me, know my wishes, hopes and desires for them.  I'd still guide them.  Not just the ones with me, but also the ones far away from me.

It's not fair to say that the Bible is THE ONLY WORD OF GOD.  Come on!  What's contained in the Bible?  Commandments, counsel, words of wisdom, warnings, teachings.  And who got all this information?  The people who lived in that area.  Way back when the Bible was being written, what was happening?  God was guiding people via his prophets.  And they all lived in the middle east.  The orient.  Whatever you may call it. 

What about the other continents?  What about the other people who didn't live on that side of the world?  What about, dare I say it?  The AMERICAS?  I mean, when Christopher Columbus discovered America, what did he find?  More PEOPLE.  Where was THEIR bible?  Where are the stories of God talking to his prophets like he did the prophets in the middle east?  Would it have been fair that God only spoke with prophets to guide His children in Jerusalem? 

Of course not.  God also guided the people that Christopher Columbus found.  And there's records of His interactions with His children in the Americas.  That's the Book of Mormon.  In this book, you'll find teachings from Heavenly Father to His children via prophets in the AMERICAS.  Commandments, counsel, words of wisdom, warnings, teachings.  Matthew, Mark, Luke and John never walked amongst the people in North, South, and Central America.  How could they have? And what about Abraham, Noah, Isaiah.  How could they have?

But that's OK because guess what?  There were other prophets in America, talking to God, guiding His children.  Only their names were Nephi, Lehi, Alma, Moroni. 

That's why the Book of Mormon has on the cover, "Another testament of Jesus Christ."  Because guess what?  Like the prophets prophesied of Christ coming in the Bible, the prophets in the Americas also prophesied of Christ coming in the Book of Mormon.  And when Christ told his people after he was resurrected, "Other sheep I have which are not of this fold, they will also see me and hear my voice..." well, guess what?  There's an account in the Book of Mormon of Christ visiting the Americas!

If find it so extremely exciting!

So no, Joe Smith did not write the Book of Mormon.  Long story short, the last prophet in the Americas to write in the plates, he buried the book and years later, centuries later, Joseph Smith dug them up.  And translated them into English.

It's actually quite simple.  Really.  We are all God's children.  All "8" of us.  He spoke to His children in Jerusalem (and surrounding areas) and all the teachings and commandments are found in the Bible.  Thank goodness for the Bible!  He also spoke to his children in the Americas and all of THOSE teaching and commandments are found in the Book of Mormon.  And because both books contain the teachings and commandments of Jesus, then guess what?  The Bible and Book of Mormon compliment each other.  They BOTH testify of Christ.

Which leads me to believe there are probably many other books out there, written by ancient prophets, that haven't been uncovered yet. Because guess what?  I'm confident there are more "peoples" out there who were lead by prophets who spoke to Heavenly Father and Christ.  I believe this because I know we are all God's children and He desires to teach and guide us all. 

Just as I desire to and guide all of my children.

The bird

Last month I was standing in my kitchen, zoning, staring out the huge window we have and watching 3 birds interact with each other.  I love watching nature.  One bird was the aggressive one, the other much more submissive, and the 3rd the opportunist.  I'm not making this stuff up.  They were all trying to eat a large roll that I'm guessing Riley or more like Owen tossed in the midst of some outdoor play.

The more submissive bird would go for the bread, get a nibble, then jump away as the aggressive bird came close.  When the aggressive bird would chase the submissive bird away, the opportunist would hop in and grab a bite, then jump back.  All 3 birds, regardless of tactic, got about the same amount of bread.

I found myself thinking, "Why doesn't one of them just grab the bread and fly off?"  Was the piece too big?  Was it taboo?  Was it just not in bird nature to take a huge piece?  Maybe their tiny beaks were too small to handle such a large object?  I wasn't sure. 

Out of no where a 4th bird swooped down, grabbed the entire piece, and flew off.  Just like that.  I watched the 3 birds, reacting to what had just happened by jumping around and chirping, then fly off.

Not to sound too cheesy, but I found myself thinking about bird #4.  He seemed to "break protocol" as he had obviously also seen that bread but "did his own thing".  He must have sat back, studied his peers, and took matters into his own hands.  He didn't join the group, he simply did things his own way.  And it totally worked for him.

And maybe I'm totally flirting with General Conference type "application stories", but bird #4 brings me to the point of this post tonight.

Matt just graduated from the PA program here at JMU.  When we moved to VA, 10 years ago, the idea was to get his PhD from UVA, find a research position, and teach microbiology.  We had 3 kids at the time and lived in a 1600 sq foot home, which we bought.

People thought we were crazy to buy a home, even family members.  People thought we were crazier still to have a 4th, then 5th, then a 6th baby while still in school.  "How do you afford it?  I guess they won't be playing sports?  How do you fit everyone in that tiny house?"

After he graduated and started working, Matt came home one evening and said, "JMU has a PA program.  I want to go back to school."  And so with 6 kids and a 7th on the way, we made a "career" change and went back to school.  We both felt very good about it.  I remember the day Matt told me and I had an immediate "content" and "hopeful" feeling come over me.  It was the right thing to do.  Of course, many thought we were ... crazy.  Matt was mid-30s, father of 6.  You just don't start over!

Miracle after miracle happened.  We found a house we could buy that better accommodated our family, an awesome tenant for our current house, Matt was accepted into the program, and both of our parents found themselves in financial situations to help support us. 

Being supported by parents, as a parent yourself, is very humbling.  To say the least.  We couldn't have done it without their help.  We couldn't have. 

Matt entered the program and did great.  The month we had child #8 he began his rotations, and the same week she turned 1, Matt graduated from the PA program, looking forward to a job in ID that will better support our family than if he just stayed as a research scientist.  Our financial future is now more secure, more promising, than if he stayed on the path he originally started out on.

For the most part, people would shake their heads at our decision making skills.  Or scratch their heads.   You don't buy houses when you're a student.  You don't go back to school after getting a job.  And you especially don't have 8 kids while doing all this.

 I walk away from this experience with a strengthened testimony of "personal revelation."  When an individual or a couple come together and include the Lord in their decision making, it's going to be the right decision.  Not the EASIEST decision, or the decision that makes the most sense, but definitely the RIGHT decision. 

I am so incredibly grateful to my dad.  He grew up Lutheran, in an upscale neighborhood.  He married a poor Filipina girl and joined the Mormon church.  His parents did not understand his choices.  But my dad has and always has had a very close relationship with Heavenly Father and he let Heavenly Father guide him, regardless of the naysayers and head shakers.  He moved his family to Germany my sophomore year in high school.  Looking back, my dad has never taken the easy road, the "expected" road.  And we have been so blessed.  As an adult, I can see how blessed I am to have been raised by parents who take risks, who go against the grain, because it comes as second nature to me to do the same.

But my dad has ALWAYS sought the Lord in his decisions.  And those decisions always end up being the right ones.  And just because I have felt guided, I'd be lying if I say I don't stress out.  I have aged a bit due to stress these past 2 years, but that's where I know I am flawed.  I might have the courage to take those steps into the darkness, but it is with anxious heart, and even doubting mind.  I think the Lord is OK with that though.  He's not expecting me to be perfect.

And these best part of this?  My kids totally play sports!  :)

Bubba

When I'm super emotional, whether it be happy, sad, mad, excited, whatever, I write. Writing is my "elixir" so to speak. I'm really needing to write. Honestly, I feel it even chemically, in my body, that I need to write. And really, for the first time every, I REALLY want people to read this. And I may get in trouble for it because it's going to be allll about this guy I dated for about 3 years in college (BYU.)
Dirk. I can still remember the day I first laid eyes on him. It was the fall of 1992, right out of high school. Spanish 101. I had taken about 4 years of Spanish in high school, but I took 101 because I needed an easy 'A', a class that would allow me "rest" from the crappy abusive GE's that BYU goes to hell and back to make difficult. I remember entering the room, from the back, and seeing a guy with super curly black hair in the back. I sat behind him because I ALWAYS sat in the back of my classes, like, the last row, so I could come late, leave early, sleep, w/o being noticed. He was in the row 2nd to last. His hair bothered me. It was too curly. He turned around to say hi. Definitely wasn't cute. But nice enough.
Maybe because I wasn't attracted to him, maybe that's why we hit it off so easily? I wasn't intimidated by "his hotness" cuz hot guys intimidated me. I'd act too idiotically around them. He was kind of a slacker in class like I was, too. So we'd sit in the back and have easy conversations as sneakily as possible cuz it's not like it was a huge auditorium. I enjoyed him. He was a fun friend. I started looking forward to my M/W Spanish class. We started studying together. He was cool. Confident but didn't care that he was confident. He liked who he was.
About that time I was actually going through a break up with a guy who basically dumped me for my hot and super sexy roommate Cara. She really was a hottie. I couldn't blame him. And he was hot, so I couldn't blame her. One evening I remember Dirk calling to see if I wanted to go to the movies. Sure, why not? My hot sexy boyfriend was going out with my hot sexy roommate anyways. I told Cara that I was going out and she said, "Hey, could Hyrum and I get a ride with you?" "uhhhh, suuuure." I remember the 4 of us going out, Dirk totally knowing who they were, and not believing what was actually happening. I remember him looking at me with the "you really want them to come with us?" look. I was over it. And Dirk really was fun for me.
He was my buddy all year long. We took Spanish 102 together. We played soccer together, tennis a lot. Skipped class ALL the time just to go out to eat. He made me laugh, didn't judge my awkwardness at all, he was calm. When I'd get frustrated about anything, he was always so optimistic, didn't worry. He actually taught me how to drive. His Toyota 4 Runner he lovingly named "Bubba." I learned how to drive in that car with him, feet propped on his dashboard. He taught me how to ski. He didn't snowboard. Skiing was way better anyways, so that's what he taught me. He was a great teacher!
I have to admit, I don't know exactly when I fell in love with that guy, but I did. It happened over time. But because of it, it really made our dating years solid, comfortable. Maybe too comfortable? We were both slackers when it came to things like going to church (why go to church when you could enjoy the awesome weather, go out to eat, and just hang w/o the guilt of skipping class??) I wasn't big into churchy stuff, I made fun of crazy Relief Society presidents, he made fun of his stalwart home teachers. We were a perfect match! :)
And holy cow did we laugh together!
He was a great soccer player. I remember REALLY liking that about him. I am a HUGE sucker for soccer players. And he was a great one. He'd come to my intramural soccer games and totally be confused at why I didn't do certain things. "You totally could have made a goal if you just kicked it and didn't play with it!" Then we'd get together later on and practice whatever it was I screwed up on. Most likely during my Econ 110 class.
I knew we were going to get married. I had prayed about it, felt good about it. It was just going to be a matter of time. His birthday, May 29th, mine, January 29th. So I had already planned that whenever we got married, it'd be the 29th of that month. Couldn't be Feb. of course.
So the floor totally came out from under me when he asked me to marry him. We drove up the canyon, full of snow, I didn't expect anything. We were always doing that. We got out to just look around and he went down on his knee to ask me to marry him. And it was at that very moment that I knew it was wrong. Just KNEW it. And it totally shook me up. It confused me. I pushed the feeling away and accepted the ring happily. I tried to be happy. But I was fighting the realization I just had that he was the wrong guy. How COULD he be the wrong guy? He was my Dirk!!
I fought it for a month or so, but it just got stronger and stronger. And in it's place came an even STRONGER feeling that I was to serve a mission. I was a COMPLETE slacker when it came to church stuff. It was during this time that I started reading the Book of Mormon. Upon realizing the value of this book and that "We have a LIVING PROPHET" (something I hadn't really clued in to my first 20 years of life) I just knew I had to serve a mission. This was actually a very very hard time for me because I even wondered if it was satan tempting me away from the man I was supposed to marry, and tricking me into going on a mission. We're taught that marriage is more important than a mission for all LDS girls, aren't we? (I have more to speak on that, but that's for a later time.)
I was as confused as I'd ever been. I decided I needed to make a decision and see it through. So I decided I really did need to serve a mission and break the engagement off with Dirk. I remember thinking, "He's never gotten mad at me, for sure he'll go berserk, and I definitely don't want a husband to go berserk when things go bad, so when he loses his temper and starts getting all mad at me, that'll be a sign that I made the right decision!" I remember giving him the ring and stepping out of his car. He did nothing but drive away. Later on he called me, wanted to talk. I knew I'd get my "sign" then.
I remember sitting with him outside of my Alta apartment, just Dirk and me. I was almost smirking cuz I knew he'd go off on me, then I'd say, "this is the REAL you and I can't marry that!" cuz I needed confirmation that my decision was right and this would be it.
We sat down and he said, in the most kindest, patient, most sweetest way, "you follow your star. I'll follow mine. If they cross paths in the future, then we'll see if our stars could continue together." He then gave me a CTR ring. And that was that.
I was floored. I was reeling. I was heartbroken, confused, and most of all, I was scared. He was my best friend, and I was letting him go. And basically walking off into very uncertain territory, as it'd been about 3 years of just the 2 of us. And I knew I was letting go of a good thing.
No one else really treated me like he did. I wasn't judged by him, wasn't looked down on by him, wasn't seen as a "project" to fix. He simply treated me kindly. Always patient. Always laughing.
On my mission, towards the end of my mission, I had a dream about him. I dreamt that I saw him holding hands with his wife. Dirk was 6'2", his wife came to his shoulder in my dream. Her hair was straight and hit at her shoulders, sorta curled in a bit when it hit. And they were both very VERY happy. In my dream they were both looking at me with big, happy, content smiles. His mom was with them, too. And I could feel her love for Dirk's wife. And in my dream, I thought, "Heavenly Father, why did You not let me marry him?" After asking this question, I was taken to a door, and it opened up, and it was FILLED with people. It was a gym with a stage, and it had levels. And there were people everywhere. And in my dream I heard the words, "Because of your mission, these people came to know the Gospel." And that's how I FINALLY got my answer. I KNEW I had made the right decision.
After my mission, I actually ran into Dirk. Well, I actually ran AWAY from him. I was at the mall with my friend Samantha and I remember her suddenly turning to me, eyes wide and screamed, "There's DIRK!" I looked up and saw him, holding hands with a lady. Coming towards me. I spun on my heels and RAN. I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle doing anything. It was either "fumble or flight" and I flew. I'm hoping and praying that when they saw me, Dirk lied to her and said, "I have no idea who that crazy was!"
That lady came to his shoulder, had straight hair that hit at her shoulders, and they were happily holding hands.
I didn't get married until almost 3 years after my mission. Many times I wondered, even after that dream, if I had made a mistake, letting go of Dirk. Then I met Matt. My knight in shining armor. He was actually wearing purple pants. Color blind. He thought they were navy. Matt has never lost his temper with me, even after almost 15 years, and believe me, I can push buttons! He's so sweet to me, so patient. And we laugh a LOT. And with the ups and downs of marriage and raising a family, I thank God every day for him. Matt was the one Heavenly Father wanted me to marry. Heavenly Father wanted Dirk to marry Megan. It all turned out just fine.
Of course, years later. I get curious. I was on FaceBook the other day, curious to see how my Dirk was doing. Honestly, curious to see how he was looking these days and also hoping and praying that he was happy, that things worked out well for him. I found his best friend, then his Aunt. Then I found a picture of him on his Aunt's FB wall, and next to it, comments like, "He was such a sweet guy" and "I'm sorry for your loss" and "This is heart breaking."
I. Couldn't. Breathe.
In June, just a few months ago, Dirk passed away. A heart attack. Sudden, out of the blue, no warning flags.
I'm still reeling from this. Waves of emotion hit me, out of no where. Heartbreak for him, heartbreak for his wife, his precious kids. Heartbreak for his mom. Imaging what they're going through. He has 3 girls. Girls need their father. A wife needs her husband. A mother needs her son. And guaranteed he was amazing at all 3 roles.
I find it interesting that this happened in June and I'm finding about it just now. The day after Matt joined the group in ID, I find out Dirk passed away. I don't think it's a coincidence. Because I'm suddenly not burdened by a "new job that makes us move across the country." I'm suddenly feeling kinder towards Matt. In the past, I'd get frustrated that this road we took together has been so long. Now I'm reminded how kind Matt is to me and the kids, how hard he works, how sweet he is to me. I'm reminded, as I reflect upon my time with Dirk, that I was kinda mean to him and he was never mean back. And I feel pangs of guilt.
If I died today, Matt would have zero guilt. He's treated me like a cherished queen from day one. If Matt passed today, I'd be riddled with guilt. I think when someone passes, friends and family left behind are left with reminders of that person's strengths, not their weaknesses. And if you treated that person poorly, you're filed with guilt and remorse, maybe because you didn't appreciate that person like you should have? It's been a long hard road with Matt, only because of finances, and I'd let the stress of that turn my heart angry. My heart has suddenly softened. I'm sure moving a family across the country, in the dead of winter, saying good bye to soul mate friends, leaving a comfortable home and town will be stressful. With Dirk's passing, I'm reminded that really, it's not a big deal. What's the bigger deal than the journey is HOW we "journeyed".
I'm reminded that I have a treasure trove of a husband and family. I'm reminded to treat Matt better, to not let the small things bother me. To relax. To enjoy this journey. I feel in my heart of hearts that the dream I had years ago of Dirk and his wife Megan wasn't "fulfilled" when I saw them at the mall that afternoon. I'm confident that Heavenly Father gave me a glimpse of Heaven. I'm confident that after this life, I'll get to see Dirk again. And I'm confident that when I see him, he'll be holding hands with his Megan and they'll both be smiling and happy. And Matt and I will be doing the exact same thing.
Heavenly Father knew what He was doing all along. I didn't need to be confused. I just needed to trust. And enjoy the journey.
The link to learn about him as a dad and husband. He is GREAT! http://www.ncadvertiser.com/34941/dirk-hart-1971-2014-friends-raising-money-for-dads-family/

The Mormon uprising

I think that what's going on with the church lately is exciting. It gives me something to chat about with pretty much anyone, and it's proof that we are really. In. The. Last. Days!! Christ is coming pretty soon. What's been prophesied in the scriptures is now a present day reality.

That said, I do have a lot of thoughts on the matter. Lets begin with this little tid-bit. My little brother once said about me, "Erika don't trust nothing but herself and the kids she burthed!" You gotta know Samuel. He's funny. He's hilarious. And he has a tendency to call a spade a spade! And he's right. I don't trust anyone. An-e-one. I trust myself and my logic and my kids. Because I know my kids very, VERY well. So I know basically what I can and can't count on with them. Angela could babysit a newborn, Jessi could pick out my outfits. Addi will laugh her way out of work. And this brings me to something I've been struggling with a lot for the past several years.

I've struggled with some of the things "people" in my church have said. Ie: Keeping the word of wisdom means no Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, etc. Keeping the sabbath means no buying gas or grochery shopping or playing sports or swimming on Sundays. You should attend all meetings (meaning non-Sunday stuff, ie conferences, firesides, in service, devotionals, etc.). You can't watch rated R movies. You need to stay out of debt. You need to be self sufficient. You need to start a family ASAP. You need to have lots and lots and lots of kids. (How do you do all those last 4 simultaneously?) You should stay in church attire on Sundays, it's better that way.

This list is endless. And I've struggled with it all.

Because, in my rebellious heart of hearts, I didn't hear these words exit the prophet's mouth with my own ears. I did hear them, but from "people." And I don't trust people. I trust myself. I drink Pepsi, because I like it. (Give me a break, I like water better and I'm not a huge fan of cokes, but if I'm going to have a coke, and I'm not pregnant or nursing, it's going to be a Dr. Pepper or Pepsi. My choice.) I have no problem putting gas in my car on Sunday or going out to eat for that matter, but we have chosen to not let our kids play sports on Sundays because I feel like Sunday's are FAMILY DAYS and if everyone is running around playing sports, we're not together as a family. My choice. I'm cool with my 3 hr block of church, but outside of that, I'll go to any meeting as long as I know my BFF is there and we can chat in the back about whatever we feel like. Usually it's something that makes me giggle. My choice. I watched R rated movies all the time. I liked them. Until I saw "The Jackal" with ... I think Bruce Willis? Can't remember. After I watched it I vowed never to watch another R rated movie again. It just ... wasn't necessary. MY CHOICE. We have not stayed out of debt, we are not self sufficient, we DID start a family ASAP and we have some children. I wouldn't say lots and lots, but I'd definitely take 8 more if I could. All of it, MY CHOICE. (OK, having children is more a blessing than a choice, but that is MY opinion.) The first thing that comes off me after church are my church clothes and I put on my comfy stuff. My choice.

I have struggled with the many "expectations" of being a "righteous Mormon" and kicked against most of them, because I just didn't like it. Once I had a guy I was dating tell me his dad didn't approve of us because "her dad isn't in the bishopric or stake presidency." And this boyfriend of mine totally bought in to what his dad preached. Never mind everything my dad went through to bring the Gospel to his family or what he does or continues to do to spread the Gospel. He wasn't a counselor in the bishopric, so don't date his daughter. I struggle with crap like that.

And I'm glad I "struggle." Because I want my kids to "struggle." I don't want them to be robots, doing what the masses are doing or what's expected of them. When it comes to the Gospel, I don't even want them to do what I do! It's their choice. ALL of it is their choice.

Except for what the prophet says.

He doesn't say much, just the basics, but what he says, I listen to. Why? Because I DO trust Heavenly Father and Jesus and I DO trust that They called a prophet and I DO trust that what the prophet says,it's what Christ tells him to say. Yes, he is simply a man. A man who is obviously NOT perfect cuz if he were perfect, he'd be translated, so SOMETHING is keeping him on Earth, but that said, if he tells me something, I am going to listen. Because bottom line, I don't always trust myself. Not always. And so when the prophet says, "Go to the temple as often as you can" I WILL go as often as I can. And that's where it's MY CHOICE!! Some may think I should go more than my once a year goal, but that's where my listening ears turn off. The prophet didn't say "go every week", he didn't say "go every month." He just said, "Go." And the REST is MY CHOICE.

Which brings me to this whole uprising thing. Actually, I don't know tooooo much about it, cept that some chick wants all the other chicks to be able to get the Priesthood. I sorta put her in the same pile with all the other "people". I don't trust her, either, and since the prophet didn't say "women, you can hold the priesthood" I'm going to go on thinking she's wrong.

Which brings me to a whole OTHER point. If, lets just imagine, at our next General Conference when the prophet speaks to us, and he says, lets just PRETEND, "Women of the church, modern revelation has it that you can all hold the Priesthood..." Guess who's NOT going after that one? No way do I want to add MORE to my plate! I won't touch being on the PTO with a 10 foot pole much less hold the Priesthood. I'm busy enough with my calling as a mother, taking care of the sweet, precious, gone all too quickly from my nest, children.

Today I was reading in the Book of Mormon, and yes, I'm going to throw scripture in this blog. First time EVER!

Mosiah 26:6. For it came to pass that they did deceive many with their flattering words, who were in the church, and did cause them to commit many sins; therefore it became expedient that those who committed sin, that were in the church, should be admonished by the church.

I put that in there because we know in the end, the prophet was right. And I have complete and utter TRUST in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that They will NOT let the prophet they have called to lead their people astray. It's not the prophet's church. It's Christ's church. His church. His. Church. And He has promised us, me, that yes, there will be false prophets in the latter days, but His prophet will never lead the people astray. Because we are not the prophet's people, we're Christ's people.

And yes, this is just my opinion.

Travel team try outs

This past week the 3 older kids had soccer try outs. Here, there's rec soccer, then above that is travel, then above that is Elite. Rec is what the kids have played since preschool age but then in 4th grade they can try out for the travel teams. Travel teams are divided in 2: white and red. Their first years both boys made white then second years, both made red. Regardless, you have to try out every year. So this past week, the boys tried out, along with their sister. It's fun to see them play, but the "unknown" is killing them. They're so worried, excited, and anxious to see how they did. Their numbers are on the fridge, just waiting for June 2nd to roll around when the teams are announced. Kind of exciting.

Personally, I think they're too young to go through this, but to see their emotions; it's kind of entertaining. It's such a HUGE deal to them to not only make the travel team, but to make the "red" team. As a parent, I couldn't care less. I'm so concerned more with who the COACH is that I don't care about team level. I try and explain this to them, but of course, that's crazy talk from their mom.

I've been super proud of all my soccer players this season. I identified for each kid their challenge for the season. Colby ended up back on the white team because in the fall, rather than play soccer he played football, forfeiting his position on the red team. So his "challenge" was to stand out, be the strongest player on his team. His position is defender. He did GREAT this season! It's so fun to watch him and his aggression, his timing, his strong kick and even stronger headers. Watching Colby play, you KNOW he understands the sport. Dallin's challenge was pecking his way through the team. He pretty much rode the bench in the fall. I can't totally blame him or his coach. He had broken his leg at the beginning of summer which totally slowed him down on the field that fall. Super slow and he was NOT aggressive at all. I couldn't blame him. I tore my ACL (and then some) playing soccer and to go back to full throttle aggression is mentally hard. Spring season, he was still second string, but every time he played, every second on the field, he gave it his all. He averaged 20 mins a game which was hard for me to watch, but at the same time, I was so proud of Dallin for giving his ALL those 20 mins and not being a poor sport and getting all attitudy for such short playing times. I loved seeing his excitement and energy both on the field AND on the bench. That kid doesn't let bad situations get him down. I love that about him!

Angela I have to say impressed me the most. Her "challenge" this season was to over come a fear she had of one of the players on another team. This player intimidated her. She has not only out challenged this player, taken the ball from her, dribbled around her, but most importantly, they've become friends! I can't say enough how proud I am of her! Angela's such a great player. She's fast, has such a strong kick, dribbles well, and still does it all with a smile. Her tryouts went well. No matter where she plays in the fall, I'm super proud of that girl! Jessika's challenge was simply holding her own in Angela's age division. With Matt out in WA doing rotations, I had to consolidate at much as possible. So I pulled Jess up to play with Ange. And she has proved herself to be quite the little fighter out there. I don't think she ever got the memo that she was 2 heads shorter and about 3 bodies smaller than most of the other players on the field. That girl just charges, dribbles, and doesn't lose her head out there. Even her older brothers who notice NOTHING in life, comment during her games, "Mom, look how much smaller Jess is than the girl she's guarding" etc. It'll be cool to see her play back at her age group. Some day. :)

I coached Addi and Owen this season. Last season soccer finally clicked for Addi. She stopped dancing around the ball and running with the group and started actually going for the ball, dribbling and shooting. This season she totally mastered "opening up for a pass." I love how the older girls play, but I think Addi may be even better than them. She's already dribbling w/her head up, more aggressive then they are, and fast! Little O finally figured out soccer this season. Last season, all that kid did was chase the mob of players. Didn't even kick at the ball. Just ran around. Now he's dribbling, shooting, and man that kid's fast. I already broke it to Colby and Dallin that he was playing better at this age than they were. They didn't appreciate it. Oh well.

And as for the little ones. The kids are beginning the brainwashing of soccer as they kick the ball around with Riley. I love watching them show him how to properly kick a soccer ball vs toeing it. Their lives, at a very early age, get sucked into the world of soccer. Sadie has already been to about 5 thousand games and practices. And I LOVE it! I could write about a book about the benefits of sports for kids and then another book about the benefits of that sport being soccer. But I won't, because I don't think many will buy it! :) HaHaHaHa (you don't see that much, mainly the annoying "LOL.")

Well, I finally have the 2 babies sleeping, it's a beautiful day, so I'm going to open the back door and windows and clean the family room. Owen's outside playing. Such a peaceful, wonderful day today!

How I love to mow!

OK, this isn't all about me and mowing. But can I just say, I love to mow! It's so peaceful, just the hum of the mower, and taking down the scraggly grass in one effortless swipe. Plus, no one can TECHNICALLY bother me. No, it doesn't totally dissuade the kids from coming to me and needing me, but it does at least temporarily prevent them. I love my kids, and I enjoy my alone time.

Yes, I think it's important to teach kids to mow and what not, but when I mow, the kids are taking care of Sadie and doing other such "productive" things. There's no sin in having a mom with older kids mow the yard.

Sooo, the other day I noticed the skies and the skies were bringing in quite the storm. But my yard needed to be mowed. The big kids were all at school and Sadie did NOT have on her agenda, "Be put down." So I jimmy rigged a sitter. I put her outside in the back on the patio in her little bouncer where I could mow at a safe distance from her. Doing so would allow me to both watch her and she'd be entertained by the hum of the mower. However I had to run into the garage to grab the mower. I took the mower out, started it, and began to "mow" my way to the back. As soon as I started to walk to the back, the skies simply opened up and dumped rain. I quickly turned off the mower, ran it back to the garage, then sprinted through the house to get Sadie. Who was outside. In her seat. Totally. Exposed. To the RAIN!

If I could I would have taken a photo of what I saw. Owen was outside with Sadie, totally bent over her, trying to shield her from the rain. It was impossible to effectively do it, so the rain was getting her pretty well, so she was screaming and there's Owen, bent over her, saying as calm as ever, "Mommy's comin Sadie! Mommy's comin!" Then w/o looking up, I don't think he even saw me, Owen yells, "Mom, Sadie doesn't like DIS!"

I treasure Owen's love for his baby sister. Ever since I was about 7 mos pregnant, Owen was so preoccupied with her. He's forever hugging her, begging to snuggle with her, running over to her just to look at her, then running off. It's priceless!

13 years a mom

If you're going to read my blog, please know that 100% of what I write will be centered around me being a mom, because, thankfully, it's what I am.

Last night I was laying down with Sadie nursing, Riley sleeping on my hip and Owen sleeping on my legs. It really makes me wish boobs would run DOWN the torso like a sow rather than across, like a ... human. And I loved loved loved it! I love being needed and being the main thing that comforts my children. I love it.

I've been doing this now for 13 + years. Thought I'd make a list of some of the things I've learned and would like to pass along to my kids, especially my daughters as they will, if it be God's will, be mothers.

~ Sleep with your babies (fancy terminology "co-sleep") All mammals do it. It's great and I don't regret it AT ALL! Sure I have over extended rotator cuffs now, but worth it.

~ Nurse your babies as long as THEY want and as long as YOU can handle. Please please PLEASE ignore the "experts" and friends and family who may try and tell you about nursing your babies. It's such a PERSONAL thing. Just don't do anything, when it comes to nursing, to "fit in." I do not regret in the least not fitting in with the norm.

~ Don't stress out about getting on a schedule. People would ask when my babies napped and I'd say, "When they got tired." I didn't revolve my life around a "nap schedule" or feeding schedule because it was too hard. I just let my babies dictate the schedule and it worked out just fine.

~ Don't be afraid of cereal for supper

~ Involve kids in sports. For reals. Not just any extra curricular activity, but sports. It's good for the heart, keeps kids in shape, and just leads to lots of great things

~ Don't go to every single freaking church meeting or function or conference or activity or whatever

~ Apologize for when you screw up. And who cares if you think you're "always apologizing." Better to apologize than to be prideful

~ Laugh. A lot.

~ Let them talk to you. My kids are ALWAYS talking to me. I hear, "Mom" about 80 million times a day. Yes, I have actually said, "Do. Not. Talk. TO ME!" but the kids still know they can talk to me about everything. I need to keep this up for when they are teenagers and their conversations actually get interesting.

~ Be honest. My kids will ask, "How'd I play in my game today?" and I'll tell them the honest truth. If they didn't play to their potential, I'd tell them. I'd tell them how to improve. Or if they did play great, I'd tell them they played great. I think it helps them know that when I compliment them, it's for real and when I don't, they know it's for real and I'm not just picking on them or being hard on them.

~ Have hobbies outside of motherhood, but don't let them consume you. Trust me on both.

~ For real, have hobbies.

~ Work out. And I'm not kidding. It's either work out or pop those happy pills. I've had 8 kids, 9 pregnancies, all under 13 years, and my hormones have been pretty good to me. I owe it all to working out. It's good for the inner thighs, love handles, and psyche.

~ Have girlfriends who you chat with, vent with. You don't need but a couple, but it's very therapeutic

~ Let your kids dress how they want, as long as it's not hoochie. Along with that, choose your battles wisely. I want to win the war in the long run, so little battles don't need to be fought or won. Let the kids win most of those. My kids have gone to church dressed as spider man or the Lone Ranger. They've gone to school looking like models for flood water sweatpants. And it's all good. People may think, "Holy crap, what's their mom thinking?" And I say to that, "Wanna cookie?"

~ Don't let your kids have texting. Plain and simple.

~ When your kids clean something you told them to clean; room, car, bathroom, always check their work. ESPECIALLY when they come all excited and jumping up and down, "look how clean it is!" It's so validating for them.

~ Sleep as often as you can

~ Don't beat yourself if you let a curse word or two "slip" out. Gosh, what is it about cuss words that make me feel so good? Guess I'm just sorta evil.

~ Kiss in front of the kids. They say it's gross, but they walk away super secure.

~ Argue in front of the kids. I think it's stupid to not let your kids see you disagree. I'm not saying yell and spit and stab eyeballs out, but it's OK for them to see you mad at each other and along with that, working things out. Kids have to know that conflict is OK, even healthy, because they see communication and that even though you may fight, you can still love each other.

~ My kids will never have their own rooms. Ever. Never. Funny thing is, I can read my kids and they'd hate it. Even though they say they want it.

~ Let them see you cry.

~ Don't make an issue of weight. I do find myself making fun of my fat and even saying things like, "We have matching inner thighs!" I do make fun of my fat body to them, but I ALWAYS remind then that really, I love my body. It's been healthy for me and has given me them! What's not to LOVE?!

OK, I can go on and on and on. And no way am I a professional at this, but it's stuff I've learned and keep learning and I just want to pass things on to my kids. My kids are my life. They're my everything. I remember being interviewed on TV at the mall when I was around 6 or 7 and watching the interview on TV later on and the guy asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. In my mind I was saying, "vet" but what came out was, "a mom." The reporter wasn't at all impressed and I wondered why I said that when I KNEW I was an animal whisperer. I never liked other peoples babies growing up, couldn't relate to little kids. Just liked boys and sports. But having my children has changed me. When I had my first, second, third, fourth, it dawned on me how blessed they made me, how happy they made me. How can I put a cap on my blessings? I know I'll know when this season of my life is over, but I tell you, I'm loving this season and I hope it goes on for a few more years! :)

Coming to a crossroad

I love reading my journal when I'm stressed about a situation or am at a "crossroad" and about how I "didn't know what was going to happen" and KNOWING what ended up happening and KNOWING I didn't need to stress out about it. Coming to a huge crossroad, (which I'm starting to stress about)but I know I don't need to stress out about it because it WILL work out fine in the end. Just wondering where life is going to take us.

So here it is: When Matt's all done, where are we going to be? My preference is to stay here. Awesome friends, perfect house, love the school system and teachers, amazing ward. The kids are happy here, great sports programs. I love the community ~ not too big, not too small. Super family oriented here. Just love it here. So with the possibility of moving to WA, I'm a bit apprehensive. I welcome change, I thrive on it, but ... I have to admit, it's awesome here. We'd go where the money is and if it's in WA, that's where we'd go. And it just so happens to be back in Walla Walla, Matt's old stomping grounds. And if we moved back there, what would we do with the 2 homes we own here? Rent them? Sell them? After 3 years in WA, would we come back? Would we move somewhere else? Would we stay there?

So many unknowns.

The other night I was reading my journal (yes, I still write in it) and read entries where I was so stressed about things and as I read I was like, "gosh, I didn't need to worry so much because it turned out even better than I even imagined!" So I have faith and trust that things will work out. They will.

I keep having these overwhelming feelings, super random, it totally overcomes me when I least expect it, but that feeling of "I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'VE ALWAYS EXISTED." Do you ever have that? The other day I was driving and all of a sudden I thought, "I can't believe how lucky and blessed I am to be ME." Nothing cocky, I've got large thighs, but more like, "I can't believe I even exist. That somehow this world exists, that somehow I exist, that I am me. And my stress about where we're going to end up just vanishes. Eternity is a big thing and this is ... nothing.

Anyways, just things that are happening in my head these past few days.

Life is good. Keeping things easy. Soccer is our life right now. I absolutely love how well the kids are doing. Colby's rocking the defensive line. I wish his coach would play him up but Colby won't tell him because he LIKES where he's at. I'm not going to tell his coach because I don't want to be doing things for him. He's a teenager. His coach has no idea how well he does in goal, but Colby won't tell him to put him there, either. That kid's so talented in the sports area. Dallin has totally impressed me. He was the bench warmer last season. He still is, but not so much bench warmer anymore. He's more like 2nd string. The difference between the two was last season he played about 6 mins per game (gut wrenching, I know) and this season, he's averaged 25. I gave him 2 options: Stay on the red team and "peck your way up" to play more, or be put on the white team where you'd be one of the strongest players. He opted to "peck his way up" to better push himself and improve. And he's doing it. I love that he can push himself and doesn't let any set backs frustrate him. Set backs seem to motivate him.

The girls are awesome. Angela, I don't know where that girl came from. Her speed! She has such a strong and confident shot, she gets passing, she gets opening up for a pass. She dribbles with the best of them but passes like the best-est of them. And she still has that awesome smile on her face because she's just having so much fun out there. Like a fish in water when that girl's on the soccer fields. Jess had to play up with her sister this season. She's in 2nd playing on a team of 3rd and 4th graders. She's about a foot shorter than the average, but with Jess, she was born with this "I can do anything" complex. At times it gets her into trouble. Overly confident. And I wouldn't even say it that way. It just doesn't enter her head that she CAN'T do something. She's dribbling and passing well, but her strong point is being in the right place at the right time. Coach has told her, "You are ALWAYS in position!" and because of it, she scored her first goal in her first game. She's botched about a dozen goals since then, she needs to get more aggressive and strengthen her kick, but we'll get there.

Owen and Addi are still playing together. Those 2 have come a long way. Her first season Addi reminded me of a literal butterfly, dancing around the soccer ball, just happy to be with her team mates. Now she dribble, turn the ball, pass, shoot, "run away from the ball" when her team mate has it so she can get the pass. She's showing me to be the most aggressive of her sisters, which shocks me cuz she's so shy in "real life." Owen, that kid cracks me up. Just last season all he'd do was chase the group. Not even the ball, just run after the group of kids who were chasing the ball. Now he's getting it. He seems actually more coordinated of the boys at this age. So we'll see.

Squash (as we call #7) just likes junk food. The kids have mentioned, "Do you think he'll be fat when he gets bigger?" I have to tell them that we'll still love him! They're concerned for him, which cracks me up. And of course my sweet Sadie, the love of my life, just seems to get whiter and whiter every day, and hair redder and redder every day. Cracks me up when I hold her. Her white skin next to my brown-ness. Gonna have to keep some serious sunscreen on that girl!! I was telling a friend from church that she's my recessive gene baby and he goes, "maybe she's your last, had to scrape the bottom of the gene barrel ..." We had a good laugh.

And to answer that, not sure if she's our last or not. Sometimes I get the feeling that we'll have more, but I'm not committed either way. We'll know though. It's been such a wonderful blessing having these sweet spirits in my life. I love my kids so much. They're my everything. And it's not like I just "love newborns." Well, of course I love newborns. But I also love toddlers, preschoolers, I even love middle schoolers. I just love every age, every stage. Honestly, I feel like we'll have 2 more, but maybe not. Could just be a flash feeling of craziness! :)

OK, I best go. Needed to update a little this blog. My computer had crashed 2 mos ago.